Episode 3 - Finding A New Normal

speaker-0: Welcome to Even If the Special Needs Parenting Podcast. I'm Michaela.

speaker-1: And I'm Mariah.

speaker-0: ⁓ Hey, how are you? I'm good. Good. Having a good day?

speaker-1: It's been it's been crazy. It's all right.

speaker-0: Right. It's been a day. It's been a day. Was in the hospital with Dawson all last week and I have to ask the nurses like every day. I'm like, what day of the week is it? It's like time stand still. Yeah. In the hospital, and I can't even freaking remember what day of the week it is. So now that I'm out, I'm like, it's Monday. Okay. So yeah, we actually are in the process. The guy is here putting together Dawson's hospital bed. So should be interesting to say loose bed. No, I he's been in that bed for so long. You know, everyone's c used to their bed and sleeping in it. So I'm afraid he's gonna be I don't know. I'm feeling he doesn't sleep good anyway, but I don't know. No one likes to sleep in hospital beds, they suck, so Yeah. I don't know. I'm thinking it's just gonna be temporary for a little bit until we get a different option. 'Cause you know, there's other options like sleep s sleep safe beds and other ones that aren't I think they have better mattresses and all the things aren't hospital beds.

speaker-1: Actually,

speaker-0: Yeah, we need one that can just incline and recline and one that can lift up and down because changing diapers at a ⁓ you know bent and half angle it's not good on my forty forty something year old back. Forty are you forty-two? No, don't

speaker-1: Don't say your age. Well, I'm almost forty one, so I guess

speaker-0: I am more than two years older than you. I know I always forget. You are how much older Yeah. I am two and a half years older than that. So yes. For half of a year, I'm only two years older than you. Yeah. And that's an amazing half of the year. So dumb. So anyway, thanks for coming back and listening for another episode. So today we're gonna talk about kind of like finding that new normal. You know, we talked about last week accepting all the things, you know, finally coming to terms. those moments whenever we knew life was gonna be different and change. So like then how do you get to the point where, you know, you live life every day, especially those of you that are new to this whole special needs parenting life. And I definitely don't have it all together, but you know, I definitely feel like there were times when I was first navigating things, especially with Deacon, I didn't have any other parents that had gone through a lot of similar things to really talk to. And I felt like I was kind of like just flopping around not knowing what to do in a lot of you know dynamics and stuff with him. So you know, ⁓ I don't know if I really remember and you might remember when you realized that like this is life now. This is it. You know, there's no there's no changing. You know, a lot of people will say, ⁓ this is just a season. No. It's not a season for us. It is forever. Yeah. It is life. Our life is one big season.

speaker-1: And there's sometimes that I just I wanna take sometimes just a day at a time because there's so many things that I could just dwell on to worry about that's to come in the future. And there's just times that I'm just like, I just don't wanna just stress myself and worry about something that's gonna be years from now. Take one day at a time and just focus on that.

speaker-0: Yeah, you gotta complain live. Same way you an elephant. One day at a time, that's not the right saying, but you know what I mean. One bite at a time. One day, one bite at a time. Yeah. You know, like Deacon, I don't think with him we ever were like, this is new normal. But it was I don't know. He is such a different kid now than he was whenever he was first diagnosed and so little. Like, you know, he was such a picky eater. And it was like day after day. It was like just dying to get him to eat anything that wasn't chicken nuggets and french fries. I mean it, you know, and I don't know if you remember, we got like blood work done on him and allergy testing. And everything that like he could he would eat, they wanted us to cut out of his diet. ⁓ Like, you know, like that whole like for healing his gut and all these other things. ⁓ yeah. Because he did have extreme. And I'm like, this kid would starve to death if I cut that out of his diet. Like he had a he had a good feeding therapy. When he was one. I didn't even know that was a thing. Yeah. Because he didn't know how to eat. Do you remember that? He didn't know how to eat correctly. And I'm like, We there's a correct way to eat? Like what? Like he wasn't using his tongue. They had to teach him how to use his tongue to chew his food properly. Or he would He was like a little chipmunk. He would pocket it in his cheeks and then he would gag on it. Like it was it was a whole thing.

speaker-1: How could I vaguely remember that?

speaker-0: So they know that was one of those things where we finally got over that hump. So then it was like, ⁓ well, let's move on to something else. ⁓ now we're in speech therapy. Okay, we have a we have a speech delay. We have a stutter. ⁓ well, speech therapy's gonna fix that. Well, no, he still is in speech therapy and he still has a stutter. Yeah. So there's things that just, you know, we think, ⁓ once we get past this hurdle or once we get past that, things will go back to normal. But in reality, yeah, some of some things do, but for the most part they don't. What is you know what?

speaker-1: Normal.

speaker-0: Normal for us. I mean, who who is normal at this day and time anyway? You know, I mean I don't I don't I don't miss the old life because, you know, we've come so far just as a family in twenty years, but there's definitely things that, you know, we quote unquote think are normal that I do miss, you know? Yeah. ⁓ I'm tired of living in survival mode all the time. Or I feel like I'm living in survival mode all the time.

speaker-1: Yeah, just w you mean like just on edge, anxious and and just

speaker-0: Time. ⁓ yeah. Kind of like you said, like one day at a time because we think about things farther off down the road in the future, it's over, you know, it's overwhelming. And there's definitely times where it's not as high stress. Kind of when we're in those in between of the crazy times. But there's so many times I wake up and I have like indentions in my hands because I sleep with my fists clenched. And I looked it up one time and it was like, ⁓ that's a sign of High stress. And I'm like, so I can't even relax when I sleep. No. That's lovely. That's that's why I don't get my nails done. No, that's not why I don't get my nails done, but I mean that's awful. I'm like, I'm gonna, you know, get myself induced arthritis or something from always having my hands clenched. Maybe you'll just grip opening pickle jars. I still have to get my husband to do that for me. No

speaker-1: Apparently not. Have really good grains. I didn't like the this kind of new area I'm going into just not working, but then the kids are all in school. Yeah. I'm pretty excited about that. Just because I really do think which money wise I'll be stressed about.

speaker-0: Yeah, replacing one stress.

speaker-1: Be stressed about that, but just with the kids and with the house and food and groceries and all these things that I'm like, ⁓ my gosh, I don't have time to do this and I don't have time you know. Yeah. No, I feel like it's it will be nice.

speaker-0: Yeah. There is not enough time in the day to do anything.

speaker-1: Because I do feel like I'm always just so uptight and tense and just not that I don't have my moments where I'll sit and relax and just chill out, but it's kinda like you said, like there's still like this underlying just

speaker-0: Buzz buzz of anxiety.

speaker-1: There's always something to do. Like even if it's not stuff with the kids, like there's just there's always a meal that needs to be cooked. There's always laundry that needs to be done and put up. There's always dishes. There's always a house that needs to be picked up and cleaned.

speaker-0: Like it's on top of tending to your top of non ambulatory child.

speaker-1: On top of kids and then like I'll be in the middle of you know putting up a load of laundry. I don't know if I've ever been able to put up all my laundry without having to stop and go do something. No, no, I mean like like I I don't know if there's ever a time where I don't have to stop and go do something for Lucy or take her to the bathroom or something like that. I'm just always expecting her to go, mommy, which that's fine.

speaker-0: Just because you have ADHD. ⁓ But it's not.

speaker-1: I'm like, I just wanna put up one basket of laundry. One.

speaker-0: Just it's only six towels. ⁓ yeah. And it's not like you can just tell her to wait when she has to go to be right then. Yeah. Yeah, definitely don't tell her to do that. You know, just y'all have that big surgery with her coming up. And you know, that's hopefully after, you know, that is done and y'all kinda, you know, in your previous episode you talked about how, you know, everyone's like all reaching out and all about it all at once, but the time you get home and a couple of weeks have gone by and you're still in that

speaker-1: No, I can't.

speaker-0: survival mode time and everyone kinda falls away. You know, hopefully that will be one of those situations where even though the new normal in your life is surgeries, you know, fun hospital stays and that's not anything you're ever prepared for. My hope is that it'll at least give y'all a break in some other areas with her just because it's such a needed, you know, surgery for her.

speaker-1: Yeah. I hope I we had some friends that their daughter just went through the same surgery and she had magic rods too before her fusion. So ⁓ and it went really well and her recovery's been really smooth. ⁓ I think a lot of it the adjustment initially was she went from, you know, being able to twist and turn and do all these things before her magic rods, and then all of that was kind of she completely had a change. How she did things. Yeah. With the rods. And now she's used to her rods and the fusion should be pretty much the exact same. So like sh all the things that she could do now, she should be able to do. So I think it's really just gonna be the pain management that's gonna be. Yeah.

speaker-0: What we're

speaker-1: huge like getting used to how she bends over and how she does different things, like that's gonna be the exact same as as it's been.

speaker-0: Well, and you know, when she's at the age now where it's you know, you have to navigate that with her where she has to deal with the emotions that come with all of these changes in her life. Yeah. You know, with Dawson, things happen that he doesn't understand, he doesn't know. And yes, we have to deal with the pain when he gets home, but you know, it's different with a kid like Lucy who can anticipate it and be scared about it and anxious about it and then have to deal with the pain of it and explain how much pain you know, like that's a whole different ballgame when than when they're little. And you just kinda do things because you have to, then when they're teenagers and you know, it affects them on a whole new level. Yep. Is she anxious about it? Has she commented about it any

speaker-1: She she hasn't said she's anxious. She wants we're gonna go see, you know, cousins and sh that's all she talks about. And then her birthday is the seventeenth, so we're gonna just have a couple of friends and go stay the night and do fun stuff, and then that's pretty much it. ⁓ and then after that it'll be close to her surgery. So she I don't think she's dwelling on it too much. She's okay.

speaker-0: Little besties. Good. G C ⁓ maybe by the time I'll get there.

speaker-1: I don't really think she remembers her other surgery very well.

speaker-0: Yeah. So doesn't really I mean she's just being sedated. Having to go through all of that, you know, every time y'all go and get all y'all's

speaker-1: Only I know, I'm so tired of her having to be put under anesthesia all the time. I'm like, we're gonna have to get to the point where they do this treatment and she can stay awake. So 'cause I have some friends that have done Verset for years and I'm like, I ⁓ they've never said, Hey, y'all wanna try Verset with her and make it to where she doesn't have just kind of makes them a little loopy and and do the procedure and we're good to go.

speaker-0: Yeah. Yeah. ⁓ yeah. They're always like any complications of anesthesia? Has he ever had and I'm like, We're pros. He's fine. Like let's like let's go. I mean, I don't know how else to, you know, to say it because you know, we're under anesthesia multiple times a year. So yeah. You know it's just not you know, some people go there. I've never been under full blood anesthesia. I've just had A C section. So I don't even know how I would react under anesthesia. So yeah. I don't know. It's just crazy that I am the age I am and I've never gone under anesthesia and my kid has I mean, I've lost count, you know? ⁓ I

speaker-1: I have no clue. Absolutely no clue. Lincoln comes out of it fine. Lincoln is great. He's ready to go. Lucy is cranky when she comes out of her anesthesia, which is just not her personality at all. I mean, she'll just come out and she'll just be ⁓ you know, sweet. And he'll just he's you know.

speaker-0: Personality. ⁓ And then Lincoln's just Snuggly. Yes. Yeah, did I tell you that when Deacon was came out of anesthesia the one time he's been under anesthesia? Yes. ⁓ my gosh. So funny. I'm like, they need to come up with a drug for kids with aut sounds horrible, but you know, like kids with autism takes that filter away because it was almost like it took away that level I don't want to say anxiety or just whatever it is that just he he didn't stutter. He was able to focus.

speaker-1: Yes, you did. That like

speaker-0: Like he spoke clearly and he was friggin' hilarious. It's like his personality came out. Not that he's not funny regularly, but you know what I mean.

speaker-1: Whatever inhibiting aspect that he has.

speaker-0: Yes, they need to figure out someone needs to do a study on this and make it you know legal. Not that I want my kid drugs, but you know what I mean? Like more of a level of functionality.

speaker-1: How do people know about this unless somebody like you like says something? Because, you know, a kid with autism, there's probably plenty of kids that there's no reason for them to ever be sedated for any reason. Yeah.

speaker-0: And so they wouldn't not talk about his reason for sedation. But I know that's all that. But I mean, I'm not smart enough to be like, this is what you need to do, and this is how you need to do it. I can come up with all the ideas, but I can't execute ⁓ No. You know, that's not gonna happen. So but you know, just I constantly feel like living in this new normal, like, you know, we talked about in the other episode with the bed situation.

speaker-1: Yeah.

speaker-0: You know, I've accepted it, I've mourned it, I've grieved it, I've moved on. So I feel like in this aspect of our life, we're always grieving something. You know what I mean? Like Yeah. And I'm not saying you can't grieve things when you don't have special needs kids, but I don't feel like it's as apparent or it's normal milestones you're grieving. You know what I'm saying? Like ⁓ I miss my kids being little. ⁓ I missed the last time I picked my kid up. ⁓ I missed the last time my kid slept with me. You know, those are like normal life changing progressions we should go through. Like I feel like the things I grieve on a regular basis are, you know, completely, completely different. And I could be, you know, out of base on that. But you know, I feel like it's a lifelong thing that we're constantly grieving something. Regardless of what it is. You know, like sleep. I love to sleep so much. I was always a teenager that would sleep till like noon. ⁓ absolutely.

speaker-1: Yes.

speaker-0: Like I I miss I dismiss having a good few hours.

speaker-1: And good quality sleep, not where you're just like not 'cause it's almost just like you don't go deep enough sometimes. I hear you always have to be alert and be awake and be ready.

speaker-0: Little thing, whatever's needed. Yeah. The last few nights since he's been home from the hospital and he's hooked up to the pump and I'm just so paranoid about him moving or pulling it or anything. I've slept with my glasses on because I can't see anything without my glasses. So if I look at the monitor, I want to be able to see him right away. Yeah. Well, it's not comfortable to sleep in your freaking glasses all night. No. But you know, it's just one of those situations where, you know, it just it's needed and it's it's part of life. Yeah. I also, you know, dreams for our children, you know, I don't know if that's something you've ever thought about, like mourning. You know, like I don't know. Especially for Darby, you know, she's between two special needs brothers and she's not been able to live a life that I would have preferred for her or wanted for her thus far, you know, and it's it's come and we've dealt with it as it's come and, you know, gone, but you know, if that makes sense. I just

speaker-1: I do think having her having siblings like she does, she has more of an understanding and a heart for people with special needs. And better. And she's got such a fun personality and she gets to go do things. I mean, she gets her violin lessons and she does all her you know, choir and Well, I mean, but she if you if she wanted to do anything else, y'all would make sh a priority for her.

speaker-0: Do things violin lessons.

speaker-1: To get to go and wanna

speaker-0: stuff that she still looks different. Yeah. Yes. You know, she does all the things. And, you know, until recently we didn't have a nurse. And we don't always have a nurse. ⁓ but whenever we do, Zach and I can actually both go and watch her do something. Because before if she had a concert or something, we had to rotate and take turns who could go. We couldn't go to watch her together 'cause someone always had to stay and stay with it's not a place that, you know

speaker-1: Yeah, and now

speaker-0: He just he doesn't do well at those things. I know a lot of people think they're they're kiddos to all the things and that's amazing, but he's just not that kid. Yeah. He would definitely let everyone know he's there. Yeah. The hootin' and the hollering.

speaker-1: That's okay.

speaker-0: Yeah, I just, you know, and there's so many other things to talk about in other episodes regarding grief. But I think that's just really for you know, for anyone kind of, you know, just entering this state of life with our kiddos that, you know, don't be ashamed to grieve things because it's part of it. You know, 'cause whenever you fight it, I think it makes adjusting and all that a lot harder. Yes.

speaker-1: Yeah, I think so too. We've had it's been hard just with this surgery because once her spine's fused, she will not like her her torso is not gonna grow anymore. It won't be she won't be able to which she's almost thirteen, so it's not like she's just gonna grow a ton more ⁓ at this point, anyways. But that was really hard when they told us that we needed to do it this summer. Right ⁓ because she was gonna start getting more of a curve on her spine again. So ⁓ being like, Am I stunting my kids' growth? You know, like what am I doing the right thing with such a major surgery? Or, you know, should we have put more should we put the the growing rods in that can be lengthened more people to have to have a fusion down the road. So then we're looking at two other surgeries instead of just the one.

speaker-0: Yeah. Yeah. Down the road.

speaker-1: It's I know. It's so hard to make to decide on these things sometimes because

speaker-0: Yeah. Well, but at the same time, I mean, yes, you want her to be able to reach her full potential on just growth and life and you know, puberty and all the things. At the same time, you know, she's gonna be living with y'all for a while and y'all still have to be able to, you know, care for her.

speaker-1: She's not gonna be ginormous by even even if I let her grow a little bit more, she's just not gonna be She's not gonna be ginormous by any means.

speaker-0: Yeah. Yeah, I mean, and that's ⁓ how they are with a lot of kiddos with C P just want them to have calories, want them to have nutrition, but you know, they get too big, you can't tend to them. Like there's that line of how much calories do you give? How much food did they get? Because then if they get too big, then you know, we just get older and our kids just get bigger. It kind of doesn't balance out very well in the grand scheme of things.

speaker-1: Yeah.

speaker-0: Yeah. I just yeah. I've I feel like sadly I've become like a connoisseur of grief. I feel like every time something new comes along, I'm able to grieve it and accept it and move on a whole lot quicker than I was earlier in the beginning. ⁓ yeah, absolutely. Yeah. I'm like, huh, okay, here we go, something else. All right, it is what it is. Like, you know.

speaker-1: And you said this before, there are times where like we can get dealt something that is big and I take it and I'm like, Okay, let's go. Like I'm ready, let's do this. And then it can be like the stupidest thing that happens. ⁓ and it'll just set me off and I'll just cry and some of that maybe w I don't know, maybe where I am in my cycle determines like how I take.

speaker-0: How hormonal.

speaker-1: How remote am I right now? 'Cause it does make a difference for sure.

speaker-0: Yeah, it's funny how that happens. I wonder how many other parents can say that that's, you know, a common thing as well. Just, you know. One thing I will say in my new, you know, normal of life is not that I don't still have friends that don't have special needs kids, but a lot of the ones that I've become closer to over the last couple of years are definitely other parents, you know, of kids. They might not have the same diagnosis, same whatever as Dawson or Deacon or anything, but Just the overall grand scheme of just living this life as parents, we just get it so much easier. And I'm so thankful for a lot of those friendships that which I'm sure that's a lot harder to find in a smaller town.

speaker-1: It is. I mean they're not not, you know, not quite like Lucy necessarily, but I do think Byron being in the position that he is as a pastor, it is I don't know, there is kind of this aspect of having a kid with special needs because then when people do have something that comes up with a kid or or really anything, I feel like they can they feel like they can approach Byron because he understands. You know, we understand how hard it is sometimes. You know, even if you know, we have some friends that their kid was gonna end up being born with with with club feet. So they have multiple surgeries and they you know, and I th I feel like they they can come to us and they know we understand, like I know how humans go through stuff like that. And ⁓ even if it's not quite as severe as Lucy is, like it doesn't matter. Like this is your l this is what you're going through and this is for you.

speaker-0: It is pretty good.

speaker-1: And and I know how hard that is because it's your kids. Like if it was something that was me, you know, whatever, I'm grown, I'm whatever. It's so hard when it's your kids and you see them just go through so much stuff, so so much pain and getting left out. That's what's hard with Lucy, is since she is just so aware of things, that's probably where I grieve the most is getting left out.

speaker-0: Kid. With her.

speaker-1: Yeah. Because she just get doesn't get to go do friends get to do and all you know. Yeah.

speaker-0: Yeah. Well and you also can't make kids that age, you know, include her in everything because they just wanna live their life and have fun.

speaker-1: I know and that's and that's hard because there are times we'll be at stuff and I'll be like, they'll just leave her. Like we'll be in a football game, they'll just leave her. And I'm like, Okay, I know you want to go do this and this and this, but I'm like, one of y'all needs to stay with Lucy. Don't just leave her there all by herself. You know. But now she

speaker-0: Yeah. She ace after him in her power chair.

speaker-1: No, well, when they're sitting up in the stand, she does she wants to go up. And I'm like, just stay in your power. Yeah. But now her friends are getting older and she has very strong friends. And so now they've gone to where they just stick her on her on their backs and they'll just care and so I just can't watch. Because if I watch, I will flip out. So I'm just they're like they'll they'll they'll carry her up and down the stands and I'm like, That's fine, I just cannot watch you do it. Like I

speaker-0: Living their best life. Well, I mean, I mean, yeah. I understand how that's terrifying. But at the same time, like you said, when you start to get to that 13, 14, 15, you know, your your abilities start to change. You have more coordination, more strength.

speaker-1: And they want they want her there. They want her to be a part of stuff. So I'm fine. I'm like if you you want to carry her around, carry her around, I'll let you do it. Because just you know, try not to drop her because I ⁓ that would cheap.

speaker-0: Yeah. Just try not to touch drop her butt. We don't want her to not be able to walk anymore. She

speaker-1: Lucy?

speaker-0: I'm kidding. Sheesh. ⁓ my gosh. Yeah, it's sadly with Deacon, it's kind of been the opposite because he for the longest time he and Piers stayed very similar. So he was always invited to birthday parties, always including things in elementary. We were such an amazing elementary school. Whenever we moved, I was so sad because everyone was included in everything. Everyone just loved everybody. And it was really when he probably got to late elementary I started to notice the shift. He quit maturing away from certain things that you s that you should start getting away from that were like kiddish or babyish, you know? And then his peers were like, That's weird. Why are you still liking Thomas the train? ⁓ she was a train.

speaker-1: Works. Love him some Thomas.

speaker-0: wash and then it's like, but you know, there gets to an age where that's not really kind of appropriate. So other kids kind of pulled away. So I'd really started to notice that and that was hard because, you know, he's a lovable kid. He's likeable, but he has a stutter. So a lot of people are impatient with someone who has a stutter if you don't understand them. You'd be surprised how many teachers that I saw that didn't have patience when he was trying to explain something to them about as of a stutter as he used to have. And you could tell they were getting annoyed with him. And I'm like, you're an educator At an elementary school, you should have way more patience than this for a kid who decided to talk to you and that can't help that he has a stutter. Yeah. That probably made me more mad than the kids kind of naturally pulling away from him because kids kind of can't help that to an extent. Adults can't. Adults should know better. But you know, Sally, that is definitely not always the case. No. So but you know, I just I don't know.

speaker-1: Yeah.

speaker-0: Grief is something I think that it's hard for a lot of people to talk about. Like this kind of grief, it's kind of lighthearted. ⁓ yeah, I'm definitely going to probably dread the episode where we talk about the heavy grief because that's gonna be that's gonna be, you know, a lot to to dig into and talk about. But I think it's important to talk about because it's something that's always there and lingering. But a lot of people are just, you know, scared to talk about. But I think the main thing really is, and this is just me, I grieve the future that.

speaker-1: Yeah.

speaker-0: Is uncertain and that is constantly changing. You know? Like a lot of people can be like, ⁓ this is where we live, our kids are gonna graduate, they're gonna do this, they're gonna do this and this and this and like I can't tell you anything about that. I don't I don't know. You know? It's just it's just not certain at all. No.

speaker-1: That's why one day at a time sometimes a ⁓ nice way to think about our just our lives, our daily lives.

speaker-0: The the the And I guess out of all of this though, you know, wrapping up just the overall, you know, new normal things that we didn't think would be our life that are our life or like the good that has come from it. You know, I always want to focus on that because it is so easy to get caught up in the bad and just dwell you know what I mean? Like it's just easy to when you get down, it's easy to stay down. Yeah. So, you know, for me especially, you know, I've definitely learned a lot more patience. I And way more patient with my kids than I would have thought I ever would have been, especially with, you know, Deacon in early years and just growing pains with him. And I think I am way more patient with other people's kids than than my own kids. Just because I've had to learn how to be patient, you know. Yeah. ⁓ when you have a lot of those behaviors that you see with autism, like you patience is just gonna be a given. Yeah. You know, you pray for patience and it's like, okay, well, I'm gonna give you something that's gonna make you have to learn how to be patient. Yeah. You know, I've definitely learned how to slow down more. We my kids are not involved in eighty seven million things. No. You know, thank you. You pick one or two and that's it because life is just too precious and it it goes by too quick when you were just maxed to the T in every Z

speaker-1: I can't do it.

speaker-0: You know, and at the end of the day, the hard the heart is always there. It's always gonna be there. But, you know, I'm I'm a way stronger person than I would have been how old is Deacon? Eighteen. ⁓ eighteen years ago. Like. You know what I mean? Like I am a completely different person I never would have thought I would have turned into whenever I was a mom eighteen for the first time eighteen years ago. Yeah. We're definitely a lot more resilient in a lot of ways, you know. And I'm not saying other parents aren't, but you know what I'm saying? Like it's just it's hard to explain unless you live it. The difference

speaker-1: I know people are like, I just don't know how you do that. Like I just don't think I could ever do that. It's like, Yes, you you could because you have to. Like you literally have to do it. Yeah.

speaker-0: Yeah. And it does. We didn't know we would be able to or how we would do it. Yeah. No, I agree. I don't I don't like that statement either. But you know, it is definitely said in all the all the capacities. Yes. So we've kind of talked about grief a lot in just basically being able to adapt and accommodate and grow in our day to day, everyday normal life. But next we're gonna talk about ingrisible invisible ingrisible.

speaker-1: Brief. I love that word. It's a great word.

speaker-0: It's now ingrisable. Invisible grief that a lot of people are afraid to talk about. Don't want to talk about. ⁓ and I think that will be a little bit of a heavier episode, but you know, we we definitely want to talk about the hard things that a lot of people feel and think, but not everyone really wants to talk about because it's not always easy. So

speaker-1: It's not. And but I do think for us, for both of us, you know, which can be different for other people when it does come to our grief is that we still have hope. Yeah. ⁓ yeah. You know, we still know that we have ⁓ a savior that loves us, died for us, and we put our faith and our trust and our hope in him because, you know, if we didn't have that faith, that grief is just I don't think it ever goes away. You know, where it ebbs and flows and it comes and goes, you know, I just still so many people that have kids like ours and they're just like, Why? What's the point? You know, and all the and it's just like there's there's

speaker-0: There's so much more.

speaker-1: When you think that, you know, everything is is because of for our good and God's glory, that's why, you know, we have anything. It kind of changes your just your outlook on everything.

speaker-0: Definitely. Yeah. All right. Well

speaker-1: So even if life doesn't look the way we imagine, we keep showing up. So we'll see you next time.

speaker-0: ⁓