Episode 6 - I love my child, but I hate this...

speaker-0: Welcome to Even If the Special Needs Parenting Podcast. I'm and I'm Mariah.

speaker-1: Kayla. Okay.

speaker-0: ⁓ I'm good. How's your week? Ela elaborate.

speaker-1: I'm worn out. All day yesterday painting my son who's a senior his senior parking spot. I know there's not a lot of schools that do that. I don't know if other states do it. I know it's a big Texas thing. That's two. Yeah. But just we were there about twelve hours and it was just a hundred and I think they said the real fill was it was pushing a hundred and ten. ⁓ my god. And then on that hot concrete and up and down and I'm old. Yes. Bending at every angle up and down. Yeah.

speaker-0: We our kids do do that.

speaker-1: I'm just wearing out, but it looks good. So he was he was excited about it. So that's all that made It does. It looks really good. Until it gets a big oil spain stain like right in the middle of it.

speaker-0: He tell him he's not allowed to like peel out of his parking spot. Parking spot. No, you can't park there. It's for looks.

speaker-1: When you're So today's episode is basically I love my child. We obviously love our children. And we're tired of all the things that come with it that we don't feel like we as parents are able to actually talk about. ⁓ so like when you hear that, Mariah, I love my child, but I hate this part. Is there something that like immediately comes to your mind? Like what part about it that you you hate? And not the diagnosis. We know that's something we all hate. We all hate her, you know, but just something that goes with it.

speaker-0: Yeah. my the first thing that I think of is just insurance for me. ⁓ I don't know. That's that is something that is just so frustrating so many times ⁓ dealing with whatever it is hospital stuff or you're trying to get wheelchairs and and formula and whatever else and it's just never ending. Yeah. That's

speaker-1: And yeah, it's never ending. Do you think most parents ⁓ feel guilty when they admit that they hate something about their life in regards to their kid?

speaker-0: I think it would maybe make a difference on what it is. You know, if it's insurance, I don't feel bad about hating insurance, you know. But if it's something that has to do with my child, like I hate that I have to, you know, take her to the bathroom all the time still. You know? Yeah. Like I feel it to me that makes me feel bad because that's having to to do with her and I'm taking care of her and that's just a part of what we have to do. But

speaker-1: Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. So moving forward with our conversation, we have our second guest on today, and I'm so excited for everyone to meet her. And I think she's gonna have a good a lot of good insight and a lot of stuff to add to our conversation, just everything that she's been through in life with her daughter. ⁓ so this is our guest, the lovely and beautiful Rochelle. Hi Rochelle, how are you?

speaker-2: good how are you? I'm excited. So ⁓

speaker-1: Good, we're so happy you're here. Yeah. Yeah. So tell everyone a little bit about you, anything that you want anyone to know and about your sweet little daughter.

speaker-2: I am ⁓ Kenzie's mom. I feel like I've that's that's all I've been known as for so long is somebody's mom. ⁓ but ⁓ yeah, so ⁓ married, we live here in Kingwood. we have five kids, ⁓ three mine, two his. So we're a blended family, ⁓ four daughters and one son. And Kenzie is ⁓ she looks like she would be the youngest, but she's surprisingly not. ⁓ Kenzie is gonna be twenty one on September the seventh. So yeah. So in like what seven days, eight days? Yeah. ⁓ so she was born with

speaker-1: It's coming up soon. That is. Yeah.

speaker-2: ⁓ Mobius syndrome. At the time ⁓ when she was diagnosed, there was about 300 documented cases in the United States. ⁓ so pretty rare. It there's a lot more being diagnosed now. but ⁓ she was full term and ⁓ the only thing that I knew before I had her was that she had club fee. That was it. The specialist that they sent me to said, okay, well, this could be a, you know, a a precursor to something else going on. And she said, okay, you have two two weeks to decide what you want to do. And I was like, well, I don't need two weeks. So I'm I'm gonna have her. ⁓ and obviously I did. ⁓ she was life lighted to Memorial Herman Children's in the Texas Medical Center two hours after she was born. she got her trach when she was six days old. ⁓ she got her G button on se was born on September seventh. She got her trach like the next week. She got her G button on September the thirtieth. And those are the only two da of all the things that she's had done, I those are the only two things I I remember the dates. ⁓ But so she spent six months in the hospital, came home when she was six months old, and it's just been crazy. They told me she would never one doctor said ⁓ that I needed to prepare myself. She'll never get out of bed, she'll never go to school, she's never gonna interact with her sisters. ⁓ which I mean, Michaela we met at church and Kenzie was with me. So she obviously gets out of bed. She does. Yes. ⁓ she went to school ⁓ for all of elementary. and you know, she interacts with the family. She walks, she has a bike, she has a special needs bike that she rides ⁓ when it's not a thousand degrees outside. she rides it on ⁓

speaker-1: Very not a very long part of the year. Yeah.

speaker-2: So she she was about five years old, I would say, when she was diagnosed with epilepsy. ⁓ that's been a roller coaster. The seizures really did a number on her. She had brain surgery, ⁓ complete corpus chale sodomy to try to ⁓ stop the seizures. That didn't help. ⁓ she's been on numerous medications and she still has seizures now. She she doesn't have as many. ⁓ she was having twenty to thirty a day at one time and now she has a few a week. So it it just depends. Sometimes she'll go days where she has w one or two every single day. or she'll go days without it. It's very sporadic now. And she's still continue to have to be on a ventilator. she's not able to sustain herself when she's asleep without the ventilator. That's pretty much that's pretty much Kenzie. And we're still things new things are still popping up. I don't even know what to say anymore. I'm like, I thought we were gonna be like coasting now. It's been almost twenty one years. Yeah.

speaker-1: I have learned a lot from Michelle. She has definitely been someone that if I've gone through something with Dawson, I feel like she would definitely understand 'cause she's probably been through it too. So

speaker-2: Yeah, and it's hard to just recall things off the top of my head because it has been almost twenty one years. And ⁓

speaker-1: There's some years that just feel like they're just a blur.

speaker-2: Right, right. And I think there's a a good amount of PTSD situations or situations that have caused PTSD and which causes the not being able to like the short term or long term memory loss. There's things that I don't even remember that happening, but you know

speaker-1: Yeah. Yeah. I've gone through some of those moments with Zach and he recalls something clearly in a moment like when we were in the hospital with something and I'm like, that did not happen because I was there and I do not remember it. But sure enough it did. Yeah. So the brain the brain is crazy and what it remembers and forgets. So we have a segment of the podcast that we've started doing every week and it's called Why Did You Cry This Week? So that's something that Mariah's laughing because I I've announced it in the past like it was a game show. So she's like, I'm gonna put game show music on when you say, Why did you cry this week?

speaker-0: Put horns Pew Pew Pew

speaker-1: Ha ha

speaker-2: I'm hearing like the price is right. Come on down

speaker-0: Yeah, go yes, exactly, exactly.

speaker-2: What's the

speaker-1: The funny way and it doesn't have to be anything related to your kids, but I think it's something that it's it's fun to talk about to realize that. We're all emotional. We all have things going on and when we cry about things regardless that we're not the only ones that are going through these crazy stages in life that make us emotional. So why did y'all cry this week?

speaker-2: Honestly, I'm I'm pretty cried out. Like there are things that I that I get upset about, but ⁓ like actual crying i it it takes quite a bit to get me there now. after a while that your skin gets so thick and calloused. I guess ⁓ I got so frustrated at the hospital this week because Kenzie had to go in for a procedure. And because she's on she has to go to the adult side now. Mm-hmm. Which is like I don't know. And I was I'm like, look, like she's the size of I don't know, a ten year old. And ⁓ so we're on the adult side and she anytime she goes into recovery, ⁓ they always come get me like right away. Even on the past several procedures she's had to do on the adult side and they they come get me right away because I manage her ventilator and like all of that. There's just they come get me. And whenever they s I got the notification that she was in the recovery. And so I went to ask the front receptionist ⁓ if she would please call back and ask if I can go back. Because it had been a while and I was also a little anxious. Yeah. and she told me no. I was furious. She said, ⁓ she's only been back there for the for seven minutes. They're not gonna let you back yet. And I said, Well, could you at least just please call and and ask them? And that it doesn't hurt to just ask, right? And she still refused. And I so I walked away. I was just it's that mad that you're like shaken, right? Yeah. You know if she would call back there, they're gonna say, I because I don't ask a question I don't already know the answer to most of the time. And sure enough, like three minutes later, they called up their

speaker-1: Yeah.

speaker-2: For her to bring me back. And I was like, see?

speaker-1: You want to be synthetic.

speaker-2: Listen to me. Now I w I didn't say anything, but yeah, that was like I wanna see my child, don't tell me no. That was that was super frustrating.

speaker-1: Yeah. Yeah. Mariah. 'Cause I know you did.

speaker-2: I

speaker-0: It was a pretty good week. I was prepared to be emotional when Lucy went to school. I think because it was only half a day and I knew I was gonna be like, I'm getting her in four hours. Yeah. It wasn't like that I don't know. It didn't trigger me like I thought it would. Because I was like, ⁓ I can do this and do this and do this and then she'll be home. ⁓ but we did watch The Breadwinner. You know what I'm talking about with Nate Mark and Have you seen it? Okay. So it was funny. It was it was fine. It was whatever. But then at the very end, when he's talking to, you know, his wife and he's just talking about her being a stay-at-home mom. And he's just like, I don't know how you do all the things that you do. And you're just so amazing. That I did. I cried right there. ⁓

speaker-1: movies or TV shows that make you cry. I I don't I

speaker-0: It is, it is. They just they just suck me in and I so I think that I think that was the only time this week that I cried, I think. It's the only one I can remember actually.

speaker-1: One is done. kind of is in relation to our topic today. ⁓ just about the things that we're just tired of, but we don't want to say it out loud. I go to work, have a job, I love my job. So I'm actually one of those people that goes to work and likes what they do. ⁓ but because Dawson's in the life skills class that he's in, I have to get constant updates from his nurse if he has a seizure, if there's something going which I like. I want to know what's going on with him every second of the day. So I can't, you know, I can't have it both ways. But It was just where it's been so much recently with all the seizures over and over and over. And it was just one day. It was it was only like I don't know, it was barely after lunch. And he had already had like eight or nine seizures already. ⁓ and it was just one of those days, one those moments where I was just it was just back to back to back, texting with everything going on. He was just, you know, something was going on, something was wrong. He was just having a such a bad day that I I'm my office is in the portables, the back of a of a school I work at. So I went to the portable bathroom and I just started crying because I was just so overwhelmed that it was just, it's just nonstop. You know, I'm at a job that I love, I'm away from him. He has this little life that I love that he has a life. He gets to go to school. Yeah. He has friends at school. ⁓ but you know, it's like one of those constant reminders that even when I'm away from him, I'm just constantly stressed about everything that's going on with him. So it was just one of those days where it was just. A big reminder that just hit me, you know, because then the next day it didn't bother me at all when you know I was still getting the text from the nurse. So who knows why that really got to me. But I would say that's one thing, you know, that transitioning into our topic about what are we tired of, you know, the things, you know, we we talked about insurance, you know, and there's all the things that go with it, the phone calls, the appointments, the fighting for services, the IEP meetings, the RD meetings, the, you know, all of those things. So

speaker-0: It just

speaker-1: ⁓ the first question is like, what's something that comes with special needs parenting that y'all are just tired of? And for me, it's just where I'm always constantly even reminded that he's not well, that there's so many things going on with him that I can't have a I don't want to say a moment of peace, but it's almost like that, you know, where I'm doing what I do, but I'm still it's still just rearing its ugly head. I'm constantly reminded of. him being away from me in this room where he's still just struggling non stop. So it's something else y'all are just and it's okay to say it because that's the whole point of why we're here because I I guarantee there's not a a parent out there listening that hasn't felt this way about, you know, something.

speaker-2: And I remember feeling exactly how you're feeling. I because there was a time that I worked when the whole time she was in elementary school, I I worked out outside of the home. And you feel like at any moment like you're gonna have to drop what you're doing and and and and go to them. And then you're l leaving your job and you're like I need my job because I need money. But at But I have to take care of my child because that's also my responsibility and and I want to be there. It's it's a tough it's that's a tough time. I remember that time and it's it is a very you're overwhelmed, overstimulated, and nobody else gets it but you.

speaker-0: think that's when I was working that definitely was was very hard because you you are you're like on edge thinking that something's gonna happen or you're gonna get it interrupted or I would get phone calls all the time while I was teaching and I couldn't take them and that was frustrating when I'm like the hospital's calling me and now I'm gonna have to call them back and then they're gonna have to call me back and we're gonna play phone tax ⁓

speaker-2: And trying to

speaker-0: Or the wheelchair, you know, or the insurance or whomever it was would always call me in the middle of the day and I just would it would just stress me out so bad. And now that I'm home, like the first week of school, I had so many phone calls during that week and it was just so nice that I could just tend to everything that I needed to tend to and I just wasn't stressed about it.

speaker-1: Yeah.

speaker-2: Yeah, I remember the life skills class that Kenzie was in. At first, their protocol was when ⁓ a kid had a seizure, they called 911. So and that had happened. And by the time I got to the school, also paramedics were at the school. But she's fine because, you know, she has seizures, she has epilepsy, and and then having to Tell them no, she doesn't need to go to the hospital and then being like, Well, did I make the right decision because I'm refusing to go to the hospital but at the same time this is you know, she has seizures all the time. It's just it's hard.

speaker-1: Yeah. Yeah. It's a lot. Is there is there something y'all dread doing, even though you've done it like hundreds or thousands of times, that just after doing it for so long you're just tired of doing it? I get tired of having to go up and down the stairs. That sounds horrible.

speaker-2: No, it doesn't. ⁓

speaker-1: House. It it is what it is. We were desperate for a house and his room upstairs and just I'm like, if he was on the ground floor, it would make life so much easier. And I have to get to him when there's an emergency, you know, something's going on, but I'm like, there's a whole floor between him and me, and I'm just I'm tired of going up and down the stairs.

speaker-2: Yeah, we're Kenzie's on the second we have a two story. All the bedrooms are upstairs. So she's just down from us. But anytime we go anywhere, even to the grocery store, the amount of things that we have to bring, her I mean you've seen it, Michaela. Everything that that her stroller Her ventilator, the suction machine, her travel bag that has an amboo bag in it in case I have to bag her. and all of the emergency supplies that come with having a a kid with a a trach, all of that. It's it's like just to walk out of the house for any amount of time. That all of that stuff has to go with us. And whenever it's just

speaker-1: Yeah.

speaker-2: Me like taking her to a doctor's appointment or something. She's upstairs. I have to get all of that into the car, then come get her, put that put get her into the car, and then when we get home, bring her up, then go back down, get all of her stuff. Bring it's just it's a lot.

speaker-1: See how you would dread that. You can't just walk out of the house, get in the car and leave. Yeah.

speaker-2: We can never just go. Everything every single thing has to be planned.

speaker-1: Do y'all think that there's something other parents don't realize that we have to think about every single day? Like going off of like the car thing? Because I think that's something a lot of parents don't realize. Even if you're not like a medically complex family, you know, kids with any kind of varying level of need, they're still it's not as easy to just leave the house. And I think that's something a lot of times other parents just really don't realize.

speaker-2: I mean I just the different environments and and and logistics of even having Kenzie if she's you know sitting on the floor, every there's pillows that have to surround if I if I see a kid, a normal I'd say normal kid that's nothing medical going on, sitting on the floor and they don't have pillows around them, I'm like ⁓ my gosh, they're gonna fall and hit their head. What are you doing? But

speaker-1: said that to one of those parents, they'd probably look at you like you were crazy. ⁓

speaker-2: But yeah, I think I think just logistics is a is a lot.

speaker-1: Yeah.

speaker-0: We always thinking about accessibility w when you're having to go do places or do anything. And I have so many people that they've you know, they've had surgery or they'll do something and so they've either had to be in a wheelchair for some reason or they have one of those little scooter thingies that they're having to put and they're like, I didn't realize how inaccessible so much stuff is until I've had to like, where's a ramp at? And where you know, where do I go for this? And and you know bathrooms or ⁓ when you're in at a store especially if you you know you change diapers and you have a big kid, like where do you do that at when you're in that situation?

speaker-1: Yeah. ⁓

speaker-2: On the floor and it's degrading and it's awful and I hate it.

speaker-1: Yeah. It is horrible. Yeah. You know, I have I have a friend that told me one time that 'cause it kind of along with this conversation, anytime they go anywhere, because they have a kid with autism who elopes, they have to know where all the exits are because they can't take them somewhere without knowing where the chance is that, you know, they're gonna run off to. So that's something that you know, even other special needs parents that don't have kids that elopes that elope don't even have to think about the fact that I'm not constantly looking where the exits are. Yeah.

speaker-2: That's gotta be terrifying. I I couldn't imagine you would that's also living on the edge. Like you're always

speaker-1: Yeah. Non stop. Is there something that you hate admitting that you hate in regards to just you know, obviously it's not our children, but just in the realm of everything we have to deal with. Mariah me the other day she's like I hate five ⁓ four meetings.

speaker-2: ⁓ yeah, those were awful.

speaker-1: And admitting that you hate those.

speaker-0: D that's different.

speaker-1: Hey, if you're not ashamed to admit that you hate all the things that you hate, then there's no shame in that either. You probably have a healthier mentality than

speaker-2: Try to yeah, I mean I've really had to tell myself over the years that it's it's okay like there's not a lot of families and and not a lot of other moms that are dealing with this and it's okay to not like it. Don't make yourself feel bad because it's not her fault, it's not my fault, and it's just how you know how life is and I hate that I have to have nurses in my house all the time. Like in order to sleep more than a couple of hours, I have to have a nurse here to you know to watch her. In order to to do anything, ⁓ I I have and you know, I hate that, but I don't feel bad about that. I feel like that's just a slippery slope for your own mental health. And we can't afford to let our mental health get in the way of us also, you know, trying to live our best life in spite of the complexities of having kids like like we have. And that's throughout the last 20 years. I also had other children that needed me that I had to be there for and beyond for that had their, you know, ha like all teenagers have

speaker-1: Yeah.

speaker-2: struggles and and things like especially teenage girls the struggles of of all of that that I mean not that I haven't ever gotten down but I I try not to let myself feel bad for disliking certain aspects of this.

speaker-1: Yeah. On the flip side of that, do you think it's healthy for parents who are afraid to just admit that it's okay to be frustrated with it? To where if if they hold it in too much, that that affects your mental health as well. If that makes sense.

speaker-2: For sure. Yeah. It definitely does.

speaker-1: Because I think in relation to that as well, because we also don't want to admit the things that the life we have has taken from us. Like there's things, you know, that are taken from us as a whole, you know, in a population of special needs parents that other people don't think about or other things don't see, you know, like losing friendships, having struggles with relationships and marriage and things like that. ⁓ is there something that y'all feel like y'all have that's been taking from you maybe more so than what other people would? Really relies.

speaker-0: Sometimes it's just your peace of mind, even if it's like what what the future holds, you know what I mean? Just with with your your special needs kids.

speaker-2: Yeah, I agree with that. And I think I think the the main thing that that I have probably struggled with is just who I who I would have been. You know? Yeah. There's gosh, over the past twenty ⁓ what twenty one years basically, there's just been so much. And it's I don't know who who I would have been 'cause I do have I mean, everybody has things that they want to do. You know, I've always I wanna travel. And can't do that. No. So I you know, you just have to try to be okay with the situation that you're in. And for the most part I am, but then there's that's that's I think that's the things that

speaker-1: Yeah. Can't do that.

speaker-2: that I struggle with the most is stuff like that.

speaker-1: Michaela. I know I was gonna say that I noticed on social media whenever we were talking about all the things and we had a lot of people respond about the things that they're just tired of, tired of dealing with, tired of ⁓ and that definitely made me realize how you know needed this episode was because there's just so many things that we're all so tired of. And one of the main things people talked about was just they're tired of being in a system that's inherently broken or makes tending to our children that much harder.

speaker-2: Well

speaker-1: Like I feel like if the systems that were put in place to help were flawless, yeah, there would be a lot of things that we wouldn't all inherently be so tired of, if that makes sense. Yeah. You all agree with that?

speaker-0: Yeah, that's a good point.

speaker-1: Like why am I having to fight so hard for something that is just the bare minimum for our children?

speaker-0: Yeah.

speaker-1: Yeah. And I know you've dealt with that, you know, a lot, Rochelle, on just all the things that you've nonstop had to to fight for. And it's like why? Why is it this difficult when we're just trying to keep these children alive in you know, inherently?

speaker-2: Like literally trying to keep them alive.

speaker-1: It should not be that hard.

speaker-2: Yeah. No, I wanna know who these people who've made these systems and like all the like who who are you to make this? Like how do you know what's going on?

speaker-0: They don't.

speaker-1: make any kind of decision like that at all in any aspect of life. You have to be you have to be somewhat related to that dynamic. So if you're making decisions for special needs kids to get X, Y, and Z, you have to have a special needs kid. Or if you are going to make decisions in a school district in regards to special education, people making those decisions have to have had kids in special education. But that's just my own personal belief in that because they can't they can't even remotely relate to what they're making decisions for. But you that's a perfect world again and that's not ever going to happen. Not how we

speaker-0: Not until Jesus comes back.

speaker-1: Do y'all think it would make a difference if there was like a specific kind of support? And maybe not even just in relation to y'all, but just, you know, to the population of special needs kids and parents in general, a level of support that would make a difference for all of us if we had it to not make us have those days where we just are tired of everything all the time? Or do you think ultimately that's gonna be there regardless just because our kids are who they are?

speaker-2: When you say support, what's an example of that?

speaker-1: Well, I guess it just depends on each individual family and what they need in regards to support. Whether it's a break or it's nursing care or I mean, we need nursing care and we can't find nurses. So, you know, ⁓ just in general, just any kind of support for our families. Do you think if there was some a burden taken off of them in some way or another, it would make that big of a difference?

speaker-2: I'm sure there there are ⁓ families that it would. I've always had nursing for twenty years. For the most part, there's always been there's always been nurses and I'm still overwhelmed. I'm still you know, they're not here every day. I mean obviously I'm sitting three feet away from Kenzie and ⁓ yeah, I don't know. I have mixed thoughts. Because even with nursing that's is the nurse yes, they're a nurse, but are they actually qualified? Do they actually know what they're doing? I think for us parents it's it's just gonna be hard. And there's there's not whole lot that we can do about it outside of our ourselves. And I know that's just probably sucks to hear. I'm big on you like taking care of yourself, putting yourself I I think a lot of times parents need to take themselves out of the situation for I think that could be great support is you know my husband and I will ⁓ we'll get a hotel room at the Hilton down the street Yeah

speaker-1: So you're close.

speaker-2: Just for a night and like go to dinner and then and then spend the night in a hotel and then be back here at like six o'clock in the morning to relieve the nurse. But still it's just I I think sometimes the best what I have found is just removing myself from you know, going on a walk, working out, just removing myself for a little bit. Like just it's like taking a breather. gives you a second to kind of refresh because it's just it's just hard and i i yeah it's just gonna be hard and there's seasons there's so many different seasons we've gone through you know she doesn't she's never adm well she hasn't been admitted to the hospital since two thousand nineteen for her is huge. There were times where she would spend in a month she would spend two weeks like half the month in the hospital. There were that went on for years. And then now we've gone through a season where, you know, if she now she has been sick. She had COVID twice. But we're so equipped here at home. She's got a ventilator. We have oxygen. We have breathing treatments. We have she just didn't need to be hospitalized. But it's still hard. Yeah. There's there's it's just

speaker-1: It's never ending.

speaker-2: Yeah. So we have to figure out how to take care of ourselves or else it's just not gonna we're not gonna be happy. Exactly.

speaker-0: You're gonna go crazy. Yeah. It's good for your mental health.

speaker-1: Well and sadly I think there's also so many expectations placed on us as parents, ⁓ that we feel like we have to live up to, you know, the expectation of always being strong or being positive or being patient, you know what I mean? And so when that happens, it's almost like we don't ever feel like we can admit that something's hard or that we're tired of something or that we're struggling to deal with something because we've been told, ⁓ you're so strong, you're so strong. And then we don't want to admit that there are moments when we are not strong because we're afraid of, you know, the repercussions from that. Do y'all ever feel like you couldn't admit you were struggling? Because that might mean XYZ. It means that we are unhappy with our life. We don't love our kid or or anything, you know, in those regards.

speaker-0: feel like I have a problem voicing whenever something's hard to either just my close friends or are somebody in the the you know the special community. but I don't know. I've never had a problem spilling my guts out.

speaker-1: I think I've talked about in a past episode that there have been times that I have been like, no, I can't talk about that out loud because the one time I did someone was like, you know, negative about it or gave me pushback. And once you hear that, you know, you're kinda like, well, don't need to say that out loud again because don't need to be judged for that.

speaker-0: Yeah.

speaker-2: Yeah. No, my husband hears a lot.

speaker-1: Yeah. It's definitely nice to have someone you could just yell at because you're just so frustrated. I think it's important to still cover the things that so many parents, even if we don't struggle with certain things that we're afraid of being tired of. There's so many parents out there that do. And they are tired of feeling like they can't talk about parts of this life that they're tired of having to deal with day after day after day.

speaker-0: Well, you think of just parenting in general, just all of your none of your kids have any special needs at all. That in general is just hard, period. And then you add whenever you do have one or two kids or how you know, with with special needs. I mean it's just it just piles on top. Yeah. ⁓ because then there's times Lucy is my easiest one. You know, I mean I mean seriously, there are times I

speaker-1: Yeah.

speaker-0: She is my easiest one sometimes. And then I'm having to deal with teenage girl drama and that, you know, is a whole nother another thing. And then you have, you know, you have a little boy that has whatever else that you have to deal with with them. And everybody always needs mommy all the time. That's just life being a parent. But then man, you you have all the other special needs stuff that you have to tack on there too and it's just exhausting.

speaker-1: But then Mm.

speaker-2: Yeah, there was plenty of times Kenzie was my easiest child for a while. Yeah. Two teenage daughters.

speaker-0: Now mine is a teenage girl now, so Lucy is, so we'll see what happens. I have two teenage girls.

speaker-1: Two teenage girls.

speaker-2: Yeah.

speaker-1: I'm sorry. Yeah. I never have two teenage girls.

speaker-2: Yeah.

speaker-0: Yeah. Teenage girls in Spider-Man. This week Lincoln was like, Can I get a new Spider-Man costume? And I was like, Yes, absolutely you can, because I want you to be Spider-Man as long as you possibly can.

speaker-2: Yeah.

speaker-1: Bad when they grow out of those stages. No, I really said that I won't let me go watch Frozen Three when it comes out. I ex fully expect Darby to be in a full Elsa gown because I need that to happen for my own mental health. ⁓ even though she'll be sixteen when it comes out. But

speaker-0: Darby totally would wear ⁓ something like that.

speaker-1: broke her friends into doing it and they would all do it together. So I'm not mad about it. Yeah.

speaker-2: But now it it man, teenage girl years are hard. My oldest our oldest daughter is due she's married due ⁓ in January with the first grandbaby. Aww and then Yeah. Kirsten is ⁓ a senior this year at U of H. Chloe starts ⁓ college tomorrow.

speaker-0: So

speaker-2: And Chris just got engaged.

speaker-1: Wow. Wow.

speaker-2: lot. Yeah. So yeah, everybody's adults now. And I'm I miss the and I I guess that's a I mean that's like a whole nother thing 'cause I'm like, gosh, I feel like I miss so much of the first half of of their life because I was you know

speaker-1: Yeah. Yeah, we kinda stay at a standstill and then life just kinda keeps going. Yeah.

speaker-2: ⁓ But I would say yeah, there's there's tons of stuff I'm tired of. Tired of changing diapers. Changing diapers twenty something years now. And tired of you know, keeping track of schedules, keeping track of meds, keeping track of appointments and ⁓ supplies. Kenzie gets diapers delivered and respiratory supplies and feeding. supplies and and all of that, keeping all that up, all of the meds refills and what needs to be picked up where and it's it's like it just it's a lot.

speaker-1: We need our own personal assistance to help us just get through all the things we have to do in a day. ⁓

speaker-2: Yeah, yeah. No, I've always joked that I was Kenzie's personal assistant.

speaker-1: If I ever won the lottery, I would definitely hire a personal assistant.

speaker-0: My gosh, you and the lottery.

speaker-1: I'm in the lottery, I never play, but still, if I ever won the lottery, I would have someone to help me remember things. My brain just there's days I'm so overloaded by everything going on. Yeah. That I shouldn't forget. The life we have, we're grateful that we still have our children, that they're here with us. We love ⁓ But that it's okay to still be tired and that we can find joy.

speaker-2: I feel like It is

speaker-1: all the good things in that in our life, but also still wish that parts of it just weren't so hard. Like there's there's nothing wrong with feeling both things at once. Yeah. So and I think that's something parents need to remember that it's it doesn't make you a bad parent when you're still tired and overwhelmed about certain things. It doesn't mean that you love your your child any less.

speaker-2: Yeah. Yeah, I would be shocked if if you didn't feel overwhelmed and you didn't feel like 'cause the this life is just s it's stressful, it's overwhelming. And if you don't feel like that, then like that would be amazing, but it's just part of it. Yeah. So yeah, it's okay.

speaker-1: Yeah. Yeah.

speaker-0: Love my child with everything in me. I'm allowed to tell the truth about what this life takes out of me. We'll see you next time.