Episode 16 - If We're Not Laughing, We're Crying

speaker-0: Welcome to Even If, the special needs parenting podcast. I'm Michaela. And I'm Mariah. Your finger was right in front of your nose. I was saw your face. I'm like, you just dig in there if you want to. No. That's okay. It's just us. You can tell it's Sunday. We're both, you know, dragging, I think. Well, my husband just left. 'cause you know, Rocky Rocky's out for one week. The first Rocky. I did not know that. How did I must? It's out for one week in the movie theaters. And so he had He left you to go watch Rocky? yes. yes. Is it there in town or do you have to go to Amarillo? No, Amarillo. He's gotta go to Did he go by himself? No, he's he went with some friends. Which Rocky did we go watch together? Mean we wouldn't watch Six that we watched six? Yeah. I wouldn't remember. That was forever ago. I think that's right. Different time. I think Five would have been before. Yeah, so it was six. And then, you know, you have all the creeds and stuff too, but Yeah. Anyways, no, that's but our movie theater that we had has been closed for a year here in town and somebody just bought it and are is opening it back up this month. That's good. Yeah. I feel like that would be a good little business. people would everyone is fired up. It we yes. Smart. Only on the weekends. Like it's not it's not open every night. Well no. I guess it's Tuesday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday. Maybe. I don't know. Anyways. Yeah, we've missed it for this last year. Having just really easy go to the movies watch and whatever. Yeah, it's nice that someone's willing to do that. So let's get into our episode for today. Okay. Today I feel like, you know, it'd be fun to kind of mix it up and be a little bit more not lighthearted. That's not the right word. But basically if we're not laughing, we're good. Yeah. Right. you have to have a dark sense of humor, you have to be able to find the funny and situations or you will lose your mind. Yes. I feel that way on a regular basis. And you know, and this is something I feel like only those of us special needs parenting of any shape or form, you know, can relate to this. Just there's so many things that can go wrong and do go wrong beyond that of just, you know, regular parenting. But before we get into that It is time for why did you cry this week? I know we didn't cry this week. We hadn't had it in a week or two. I can't remember. We hadn't had one. We hadn't had a why'd you cry this week? Well I cried. I freaking cried yesterday. But it was because I was I was pissed. There's no other way to say. That's that's the only emotion that describes how I felt. Yeah. Angry Dawson frustrated. Has a seizure action plan. And normally, yes, he has a lot of seizures at school. He has a nurse in his classroom. They are like hit his seizures are twenty to thirty seconds. in the throws. You know, post-ictal, technically you could count it as going longer than that. But and he he typically will have one or two on the bus. Maybe one in the morning going to school, one coming back, whatever. Sometimes he'll have two. But there's some of those briefer ones. Well. Apparently they decide to throw his seizure action plan out the window and the the policy that the school has on if you have a five-minute seizure or more or if you have a cluster seizure where you were supposed to administer rescue meds, they are supposed to call EMTs. Well, he had seizure on the bus, then he had a five-minute seizure. Nothing was administered. Then he had another seizure. After the five-minute seizure, nothing was administered. They didn't do any of the procedure that they're supposed to do. All they did was call the transportation department and inform them that he had seizures. I don't think that they really went into detail about what really went down because the transportation department called me and just said, I'm deciding, Dawson had seizures on the bus, but they're they're getting home to you. Just wanted make sure someone's home. And I'm like, Yeah? we're always home. What do you like? And he always had seizures on the bus. I didn't understand what was going on at the time because of the info they relayed to me. So I was really confused until he got home, and Zach goes out and gets him off the bus, and they tell him what happened. And then it just dawned on us. That he's seizing seizing for over five minutes, no rescue meds are administered, and then he has cluster seizures afterwards, which also requires rescue meds anyway. It was a whole thing and I was just pissed. I was pissed and I was crying because I was thinking about him just seizing for five minutes and nothing being done and it just I was so mad. So needless to say Well and obviously they had to have been what? They had to have been aware because they timed it to see how long it was. So they knew. So yeah. I Yeah. Miami Little Bud is going to be going. I'm trying to figure out who I need to talk to first. Because he's in it's in that weird spot where transportation kinda has their own rules, but a seizure action plan has to be implemented through health services, but it falls under the umbrella of SPED. So I'm like, who do I need to go to and Trying to keep my cool whiff because this is not happening again. Yeah. They need to get all their ducks in a row because it's not happening. Maybe maybe by Monday you'll have cool down a little bit more. And I was texting friends and I'm like, y'all better be glad the school day is over because y'all would have needed bail money. That's how hot I was. I was so mad. I'm sorry. So did you cry, Annie, this week? yeah. So and which we had kind of talked about it earlier in the week, because I sent it to you, but I saw on Instagram the trailer for Colin Farrell documentary. with her name's Emma Fogarty. She has E B. I'm not even gonna try to say what it is. I had to look it up. Yeah. But I know what I know what you're talking about because I I saw the trailer and I looked up I looked it up too. Because I wanted to know what it was. That's ha that's the best I'm gonna say at Bulosa. yeah. Very, very rare, painful skin, condition, blisters. Yeah. It's anyway, so the the trailer looks amazing. the documentary is called The Slightest Touch. And just from what I I mean, of course it's However long the trailer was two, three minutes, but yeah shows a little s little snippet of Colin Farrell with his son with Angelman syndrome. And then just everything with Emma. and of course, you know, and he's running this marathon is the whole thing. Like he wants to run this marathon, and then the last 4K of it, he's gonna push Emma kind of to celebrate her forty years of life because she's lived forty years and she's I believe the oldest living woman in Ireland with that with the severe form of E B that she has. If you haven't seen the trailer for the slightest touch, go s check it out and let me know if you cried the whole time. Well, that's what made us cry this week. But today we're going to talk about the other side of that. Because sometimes you really do have to laugh to keep from crying. And if there's one thing we've learned as special needs parents, it's that we have some pretty ridiculous stories to tell. For example, story time. Okay. So I know you understand this because you have a non ambulatory kid like me. We over care about our kids' bowel movements. Like it doesn't gonna be an adult. You know, we should never care about our adult children's bowel movements. But sadly. That's how it's always going to be in my house. and you know, with feeding tube, we have a lot of we've had a lot of issues with him and not being able to tolerating feedings because of bowels. So we're always having to, you know, push stuff to make him go to the bathroom. So that's you mirror's milk of magnesia or magnesium citrate. Well, now that he has the GJ, it's going straight into his intestine. Well, he hadn't poop good in a few days while we were still giving him Mirlax. So I was panicking because I'm like, it's going straight into his intestine. It has to be able to go somewhere or we're gonna have issues. So a couple of days of milk, not a couple of days, a day of milk of magnesia, some Mirlax, somebody mag citrate. Long story short, we're in the living room yesterday and we're like, what does that smell? And of course, you know, the first person we blame is the dog. We're like far No, but he's our little scapegoat. And then all of a sudden we hear this plop, plop, plop, plop. no. Dawson and it's hitting the ground underneath his wheelchair. my gosh. It was so bad. So Zach's like, I'm gonna go start the bath. So I get our chuck pads, thank the Lord for those, and put them down on his mat, and I get them out and I put them down. So of course I'm trying to like not make it go everywhere. It's so bad. It finally all hit. And he so I take off his clothes. Try to get them wiped down with other chuck pads as much as I can because I don't want to stick them straight into the water with floating poop. No, that's gross. That's gross. Because it's not, it's anyway. So I tell Zach to pick them up. And of course he's like holding them by his armpits out in front of him because I have to use the chuck pad to wipe the back because it's all over. Well. I had to pull off his shorts. So, of course, all the poop smears down his legs. Well, in this time, Dawson thinks it's weird and starts kicking his legs. Yeah. So then he's flinging it. Poop. Flinging all over the living room. I was like, stop it. Like normally when he does that with his little legs, it's freaking hilarious. Yeah. But not in this moment. And I was like, just take him. Just go. So he's like running down the hall, carrying him out in front of him. Do you not have a handheld shower hose that you can we gotta get them to that yeah you know, we gotta get them to the bathroom. my gosh. Anyway, it was just one of those moments where we probably could have problem solved a little bit better. No but you know, when you're just in that moment I was just like, my gosh. You know, and that happened twice. That happened twice. But only the leg kicking with the poop flinging happened once. my god. So now he's the thing with Miralax out now. Yeah. That's the thing with Miralax is you you start freaking out because you think it's supposed to be instantaneous and it's not. It takes a little bit of time, but it will work. You just can't so when Lucy went to Well, but that's titrate usually is more instant. So still was not going. Yeah. Well, when Lucy was at MDA camp, she never really went and they were all freaking out. So they gave her Mirror wax and so then on the way back from MDA camp, I'm just like, my gosh, we have a seven hour drive. Seven hour drive. We're having a pull over and I'm having to clean everything up on our drive back home. I was just like, please. But yeah, you know, in that moment, I was not laughing about it. But now obviously it's like, my gosh, that was the stupidest but funniest. Unless you live that, you just don't understand how. Important bowels are but not funny in the moment at all. No. He had so many issues with his bowels. It's just a mess. You know, and just like with Deacon, I haven't we have funny moments with him still, but a lot of the the crazy things that happened with him were definitely when he was younger, like with poop. He was he was a poop painter. Well, at that time, he was not diagnosed with autism yet. So I didn't know poop painting. Was a sign of autism. Well, he was my first freaking kid, dude. You know what I mean? Like just, but my gosh, he poop paint on everything. Everything. I remember, remember his little Thomas the Train setup. He was obsessed with Thomas the Train, had all those. It was like in every nook and cranny of every train. It's like he touched every single train possible and just covered it with poop. Just I can still remember the smell and that was like what 16 years ago? Yeah. Just terrible. Yeah. Yeah. it's funny now. And he's like, I did what? it's funny now, but good grief. In those moments, they are just, I don't know. Yeah. The the the normals that only we can think about. in the special needs world that other people just look at you like you're absolutely insane that you're experiencing. One thing that happened this last school year, at and it was one of those in the moment it was not funny. And then now we crack up about it, is when Lucy was at school, her belt of her power chair came off. So she went to go throw something away. And when she bent over to throw it in the trash, her belt just completely came undone. And she you mean her seatbelt? Her seatbelt of her power chair. And so she literally just fell over headfirst into the trash can. So shut up. I guess I never told you that. So I'm in my classroom. And so all of a sudden. Sh they bring her to me. She's in tears. Her teacher's in tears because she felt terrible and she wasn't hurt or anything. She just one, she was embarrassed, of course. Well, that is embarrassing. And then two, it scared her because she has no control when she's falling. No control. She can't catch herself, So we go to the nurse. somebody's in my classroom, and I'm just holding her and she's crying, and I'm trying not to cry because I just hate it so much. And then now it'll be like, Hey Lucy, remember that time you fell in the trash can? And we just laugh about it now. But in that moment, it was very traumatizing for her. And then start calling her Oscar, and then of course, no. we did not watch Sesame Street, so that would not be my go-to. She would not have known what that no, I've just that's just not what I so anyway. That's definitely one that it was very traumatizing for poor baby at first, and then now it's just like I mean she just fell headfirst. I I didn't see it a lot of trash in there. I don't know. I doubt it. I mean, doubt there was a ton of trash in there. She was like, I just was throwing a little piece of trash away and I just Fell over into it. So then of course we had to get the belt fixed and call somebody to make sure they fixed it good. Yeah. When you said belt of her power chair, I was thinking on the motor or something. No, I wasn't actually belt. Yeah. That changes things drastically. Or the time that her big sister took her down the stairs in her wheelchair. We talked about that not long ago. Ellie was four, to be fair. She was a little girl. Yes. You can't blame her for that. She was a little girl taking a lot of logic there at four. Trying to push her down the stairs in a wheelchair of I mean, and these are tall to the what? Just to go to the next level of well the building, right? It's it was the stairs in front of our sanctuary. It's not like it was three or four. There's like fifteen steps. But they had they were like going somewhere though, right? I I guess I don't know where they were going. gotcha. But then it was just like I I was there for a second and then I was doing something and then I was like, where are the girls at? And then no don't know where Ellie is, but I hear Lucy screaming. And then there she is, like in her chair, still buckled in her chair, halfway down the stairs, tilted on the side, strapped in and nowhere, and Ellie's nowhere to be found. she just ran away. She ran away. She didn't come tell me. She didn't come get me to tell me that Lucy was in trouble. my gosh. Because she was like, she was scared to get in trouble. And I'm like, you are more, you are more I'm more upset with you now for abandoning your sister. Yeah. But she was four. She was four. I know. my gosh. Yeah. In those moments, that is definitely not funny. But now, since she's okay, it's hilarious. And that that first wheelchair we had of hers, I swear she either fell out of it or fell over in it so many times. Yeah, that's a crappy wheelchair. It just was really light and it just it it was just a really light chair. And then also sit like, okay, I'm pushing you downstairs. Okay, no, that's not good. And then another kid, there was a cornhole set up in our gym. And a kid was like, Hey, Lucy, you wanna do some cool ramp tricks? And Lucy was like, gosh. Yeah. And so she's like, I think that sounds like a good idea. Yeah. And so he pushed her up this cornhole ramp, one wheel on, one wheel off. she goes up it just went and then she, you know. flips over. were the, other people in there. It just happened really quick. Gotcha. it's just like a train wreck. You're just watching it happen and you're like, this isn't this isn't gonna work out well. And then boom. Yeah. my gosh. Poor baby. Well at least she's at least she can laugh about it now. I love her sense of humor. It's pretty great. She is. She's got a great personality, sense of humor. I just I don't know. There's so many things like that I feel like we that happens to us that we say on a regular basis that other people won't understand. And every, I mean, every special needs parent has like their their like their family, not the parents. Like every special needs family has like their own little inside jokes and things that they say on a regular basis. You know, like medication. We give Dawson so many medic so much medication and then Zach and I will be like, wait, what med was that? And then it's like we have to go back and like smell. They each smell different. And I have to smell and smell because they all look alike in the syringes. And then I can't figure out, you know, there's so many just crazy things that just go on a regular basis, you know, in all of our homes that I just think it'd be nice if other people understood. But at the same time, it's nice to just have like our own, you know, personal inside jokes and stuff. Yes. Yes. And it makes me feel somewhat like a regular family, even though the things that we're joking about or that are going on. Absolutely ridiculous. Dawson's wheelchair needed a car wash yesterday. We had to literally take it outside and power wash it because it was just covered. So much food and poop and yeah, poop. Yeah. No, no, no. Yeah. Not just food. Yes. Literal feast. But that is the nice thing about those, is you kind of can. You can just hose them down real good. Yeah. You know, with Deacon, I swear. I wish I would have written stuff down that we went through whenever he was little because we definitely don't as much anymore now that he's older. but my gosh. Like the one time we were at vacation Bible school and he just stood there and started going to the bathroom in front of everybody whenever they were outside. you know, that's kind of a boy. He did

speaker-1: But it's he, yeah.

speaker-0: that. I I hear so many stories about that. And that's like their kids not on the spectrum at all. It's just they're just country, especially if they're country kids. Like you just go outside. That's how they learn to go to the bathroom. Yes. Lincoln still does. Lincoln still just goes off the back porch most of the time. He doesn't actually in the privacy of your back. I know, but there were when he was little, he would go in the front yard and we would be like, dude, you cannot go pee in the front. Go in the back. Don't go in the front. Or go in a corner at least and hide yourself. Yeah. No, he would just be right there, like, my gosh. one of my favorite posts to read on some of the social media pages that I'm on is when parents will just start doing you're a special needs parent when yeah. And it's just like a long list of all the things, your purse weighs fifty pounds, but only three pounds of it is your stuff. Yeah. Because it's all especially when you have a, medically complex kid that travels with feeding supplies and medication and all the things. Yep. So, you know, I When we go to the ranch, I know the absolute best places to stop to go to the bathroom because we can't just go in every single bathroom. You have to know the cleanest bathrooms, the biggest bathrooms, the best changing tables, the all of those things. And that's I don't think that's something most people really pay attention to. I mean they might, maybe. I don't know. no. No. I doubt it. Cause they don't think about like a special needs kids needing not just a baby changing table in a space like that. Like you need a big space in order to change. Well, and even if you have special needs kids that aren't ambulatory, you still have to have space because you're not taking them into a bathroom that you can't fit into a stall together. Yep. Or things like that.

speaker-1: and

speaker-0: Well we even though they have the handicap sign on them, they are not all created equal. No. Gosh, no. We when we went to Fort Worth, we stopped at a place And I went in, was and the handicapped stall was taken. I think it had kids in it. That's fine, whatever. So then I was like, Well, I know there's a family bathroom right here. So I go, somebody's in the family bathroom. So I was like, Okay, I'll just wait. We'll just wait for the family bathroom. A guy comes out, just one guy in the family bathroom. It's like, okay. Well, then I'm standing there with Lucy and he looks at me and he's kind of like, sorry. Well, then all of a sudden this other guy like didn't see us and he's going to go into the bathroom. One guy, one guy all by himself into the family bathroom. And this other guy that had come out was like, Sir, sir. And he pointed at us and the guy was like, I'm sorry. Like, yeah, it's a handicap accessible family bathroom. Why are you going in there? Just go in there and use your urinal and then leave. Well, I mean, maybe if he needed to sit down, I get it, but still That's not what that bathroom is for. Yeah. No, I know. my gosh. Yeah. I you know, I just I don't know. I remember growing when Deacon was growing up being thankful just to go to the store that he didn't have meltdowns. Yeah. Because he had meltdowns so much when he was little. And it was like the smallest thing could trigger him. And it's like, yes, we made it an hour in the grocery store where I could shop and his whole world did not fall apart. And I know. Frustrating whenever, especially when he was little, that and you you didn't understand or he wasn't diagnosed with autism, that you were just like, is this normal? Are all kids like this? Like

speaker-1: Great.

speaker-0: is your problem? Yeah. Because it was the smallest things that would set him off. You know, just thankfully, you know, once he was diagnosed, the more I learned and read and you know, it made a lot more sense. And then we were able to figure out kind of how to combat those things. But I remember there was this so many years, probably until he was upper elementary, that it was just, it was like that. And it was rough for a long time. Because he was also the kid who would get sensory overloaded just by changing environments and he would vomit. Yes. I remember that. Like we were like, why does he get so many stomach bugs? No, it's because he was so sensory driven. Yeah. That he would start school first day of school, the nurse would call me, he's I'm like, he's not sick. He's not sick, don't send him home, but they have to. Yeah. It was just because it was a new environment. He was so overwhelmed and kind of stressed by the situation, his little body couldn't handle it. And he just like he did at Great Wolf Lodge when he threw up all over his sister in the bunk beds. I remember that. my gosh. Didn't even think about the fact that just playing at Great Wolf Lodge would overwhelm him so much. His little body couldn't handle it and he's just puking everywhere. my gosh. And he did. It's like once he gets over that initial. Overstimulation he first grew up. He was fine. Yeah. I was so happy when he finally outgrew that. It was horrible. Yeah. and so I think on the flip side of that is, I'm bad. and I'm sure other, I don't know if you have these thoughts, other special needs parents do the same thing. When parents of kids that are neurotypical, atypical don't have all the the diagnosis, whatever words you want to say, the things that they complain about. And I'm like, Stop complaining. If you only knew, quit complaining that your child is talking your ear off. I would love for be able for Dawson to be able to talk on ear off. Yeah. don't complain that one night you slept bad. that's one night. You will catch up on, and I have to catch myself on thinking these things because I'm like, y'all don't even know what it's like. Yeah. But it's not their fault that they don't know. They don't know. And you don't want to have the you don't want to feel that and think that way because then you just get bitter about your circumstances. Isn't it's hard, it's hard not to do or yeah. Don't complain about a kid being a picky eater, like it's kidding. Or so picky. my gosh, we'll eat like three foods for like eight years. That's Lucy. my gosh. Because and that which is typical with SMA because they say that's an area they can actually control. Yeah, because there's so many things that they they have to have help. with everything and have to rely on people for everything. And if they can actually eat orally, the only people they want to eat. It's like, we eat pizza and mac and cheese and turkey and cheese. And that is stuff I enjoy. Unless we go see Aunt Kimberly and somehow, some way, I don't know if Lucy's just terrified of her because she'll just eat she's terrified of her. She's scared of Aunt Kimberly. I don't know. I'm like, why do you eat for her and you don't eat for me? Because Kimberly will think it's you can eat this. You can eat by

speaker-1: Yes.

speaker-0: and then Lucy will. And I'm like, my gosh, can you come live with me? Do you think it's that or do you think it's because she's with her cousins and they're eating it and maybe it's because that makes her look like she's, you know, the same as them? That's funny. I can picture Kimberly saying that. You can eat this. Yeah, you can eat you can eat four more bites of that. and circling back to if the not for not laughing, we're crying situation. there's obviously those situations that you cannot laugh about till way later, days later or like years down the road. Yeah. You know, just so many meltdowns, misunderstandings, hospital visits. my gosh. There was one time, and I don't know if you know this story. Deacon, when we lived in El Dorado, Deacon was little, I would say five or six, because he was in kindergarten there. we didn't have Dawson yet. So Deacon was like our all of our focus of life and things going on with him. And we did have Derby. and Zach gotta rush him to the the ER in El Doreto, which you know isn't this huge hospital, but it it works because he was like wheezing and struggling to catch his breath. And he's like flying downtown or down through the, you know, the main part of town, because it's a small, you know, town, like 2,000 people. He gets pulled over by the cop because he's driving so fast and he's like, Sir, why are you? He's like, I Rush my son to the ER. He can't breathe. So the cop leads on. Okay. Goes in. get on. We know the PA and all the nurses there, you know, in a small town, and they get him hooked up. His pulse hox was like in the low 70s. my god. Yeah, he was having like an allergic reaction to something. god. So it was just this horrible situation. Zach's, I'm I don't really know everything that's going on because he can't call me. They finally get it situated. He's on oxygen. They give him medication. He's in a room. He's stable. So I want to go up there and see him. I think Darby was asleep. So it was one of those situations where I had to wait for someone to come to the house because she's like two for me to leave and go see So Zach tells him, Hey, I'm gonna go. Makeda's gonna come, tells Deacon, you know, little little deacon with autism, just sitting in there. His dad told him, Okay, if you push this button, this will call the nurses. And they will come if you need anything, but just stay here and watch TV and mommy's gonna come and be with you. Well, in that it wasn't even probably 10 minutes. Probably not. He pushes the button like every 30 seconds because he's like if I push it, a nurse appears and it's magic. And they when I got there, they were like, Thank you for coming. He's pushing the button every every yeah, that's funny. But we had never had he wasn't our medical kid. We didn't have medical issues with him. it was all behavior and social and all those things. So that was one of those first moments where it was like terrifying because we're like, why is he all of a sudden struggling to breathe for no reason? Did you figure out what it was? Did you figure out what it alluded to? No. It never happened again. And it's not like we were in a new area and it was just something there because we'd lived there for a little while. It was so bizarre. We had no clue. But looking back now, it's just so funny. And he He gets all excited and will stim a little when we tell him funny stories about his childhood and all the crazy things that he used to do. He's so funny. He's still like that. When when he makes one of us laugh, like because he isn't he doesn't try to be funny. You know, some people try to come off and make people laugh or tell jokes. He just he's himself. So whenever he is unintentionally funny and it makes his day. we I was talking to him. I think I might have told you this story. I was talking to him one day about school. I don't even remember. This was just last year. We were talking about all the things, he's got going on. There's way more context to the story, but obviously I can't remember. We were talking about his dyslexia and his dysgraphia and all these things. And he was like, Yeah, and my autism, am I this? Am I this? And he was like naming them on. He was like, Yeah, I got the deluxe package. Yeah, the delay. Yes, I knew you told me that. I could not catch my breath. And he's just over there with the biggest grin. like stimming. He doesn't stim as much as he used to, but his arms were going crazy because it just made his day that he made me laugh. So anyway, I just normal conversations in our houses are, they look very different than I feel like than people realize, the stuff that we have to deal with day after day after day. I think having a good, lighthearted sense of humor about everything is what really makes Getting through life a little bit easier when you have those days in between that are just so freaking hard. So we shared some stories that make us laugh, some things that we have both experienced over the years. But now I think it's important to talk about why why laughter matters when in the reality underneath everything's really hard. one of my one of my f those things that people say, well, it might be crazy, but that keeps me from going insane. But I feel like all special needs parents to an extent are crazy. And that's because we've lived so many situations and so many things that we come across as crazy. But that expression says, that's what keeps me from going insane. Because I think if we you know what I mean? I think if we don't laugh. I don't think you've ever heard that expression. And we don't it's a song. I think if we don't laugh and we're not just like a little bit crazy, then that just that helps keep us from just tipping over. Yes. You know, and I think a lot of that comes with just being able to laugh, being able to look at the absurdity of so many situations, and have, you know, that dark humor that lurks, you know, underneath sometimes. Yes, for sure. What do you think it is about dark humor that 'cause I feel like we all comment about how we you know, we have a little bit of a dark side or dark humor too. Welcome to the dark side. What do you think it is about dark humor that we all feel like is kinda necessary? I don't know. Like sometimes I just like people's reactions whenever you do say things that, you know, are a little darker and they're just like like or what's great is when Lucy is the one that does it. Where whenever Lucy's the one that what in my I had a friend that told me She said something on Wednesday night and it's usually something about standing or whatever or walking or whatever. And Lucy will be like, I can't stand, And they'll just like, I'm I'm sorry. Like what did she say to Josh that one time? Uncle Josh, I can't do that. I have SMA. Yeah, I don't know. That was a while ago. And that was a while ago and she still did that. So Yeah, she's she's had that little sense of humor for a long time. Yeah. but no, I think I think it's great that she hat can joke about it and stuff and she like because she's being literal. You know, I mean she's being literal whenever she says it. Because we'll be like, okay, everybody, let's stand up and she'll just be like, she'll raise her hand. I can't stand Lucy. We know, honey, we just They're like, Lucy, how long are you gonna go on about this? Yes. Ugh. that's so funny. I love it. But yeah, I think it helps lessen some tension there a little bit. It kind of diffuses uncomfortable situations, you know, because I think a lot of times I use it around people who are almost like walking on eggshells or like trying to be like super I don't want to say supportive, but you know, you could tell they're like thinking about what they're saying because they don't want to offend or something like that. And I'm like, I'd rather just be real in these situations. So then it's like when you say something dark, like you said, they they they have a reaction, but then it's almost like it diffuses the tension. Yeah. So they're like, okay, we can just have a regular conversation and it there's not a big elephant in the room about, your kid being in a wheelchair or whatever. Or whatever. Yeah. Yeah. I think it helps. And yeah. I definitely have my moments that I threw. live grenades into conversations and just kinda blow it up, but it is what it is. Byron Byron's one is like w if people are like staring at Lucy, especially when we're in places where it's a very he like the airport is always one. I don't know why you would think nobody in a airport has ever sit a seen a kid in a wheelchair before. Cause I mean they'll just be turning their necks when we're walking by, just watching Lucy and Byron is always just like, She'll do a backflip if you keep watching. Yeah. I'm just like, Still, you quit. You're like, don't draw more attention to us already. Yeah, I don't know why it is either. I mean, we get I don't know. I feel like I don't I mean we get glances when we go in public with Dawson and stuff, but I feel like with him, people almost are like yeah, he has sterile palsy. it's it's just I feel like it's just more blatant with him, but you know, with Lucy, she's moving and being independent and talking and you know, doing all these things. So I'm like, are they just being like, what is it? What happened? What yeah, like I wonder why. There's so many things that it could be with her, you know, that I don't know. That's a speculation. Who knows? People just like to stare too. I stare, but sometimes I'm I'm thinking I want to go over and talk to them, but then I don't want to be weird. And then they catch me staring and then they're thinking, yeah, stare at my kid. Why don't you? And then I panic and run. No. There are obviously times when the laughter doesn't help. You know, like it's it's obvious that there's things like some of these situations that we've talked about that we can laugh about until later. Years later. Yeah. Yeah. You know, like the the Going down the stairs in the wheelchair or s falling in the trash can. That wasn't like an immediate thing that we were laughing about. I think there's definitely situations where, yeah, it is said it happened in that moment. I don't care. It's funny. I'm laughing about it. Yeah. Then there's definitely things that we cannot laugh about it until way down the road when a little bit of like the hurt Or the fear or the pain or whatever, is gone. Yeah. So you're able to just make light of a situation. But what do we do in those situations where laughter and humor doesn't help? Cause that's that's our life. There's gonna be situations where it doesn't matter what happens, that's not gonna make things easier. Yeah. I don't know. In those situations a lot of times I'm it it depends on what happens because if if it's something that's hurtful hurtful or harmful to Lucy and and she's upset and I mean it could be it could be anything from if she did get hurt, you know, she's in pain to, you know, her heart's broken. And those are those are those are just situations where you just kinda hold and cry with Time wounds all heals in those situations. Time heals all wounds. I don't think that works. You know what I mean. Yeah. But I mean, but does it really I think there's times when we say that, but at the end of the day there's there's situations where it's still it isn't healed. You're able to just basically Alice over and you know, learn use them like as hard life lessons and just move on. Yeah. I wish I wish laughter helped everything. It's the best medicine. Whoever wrote that needs to be. I don't know. There it there's definitely It does help. It does help. But I just don't sadly it's just not, you know, the medicine for every single situation. Yeah. Even though we wish that it could be. So at the end of the day, I think it's just important to find joy, find laughter, find, good things in certain situations, even if it's years later. Obviously, there's situations. I mean, we we laugh about things that went down with Deacon, obviously. He's eighteen now, that you know, was whenever he was three. And he's able to actually because he's older and able to understand the difference between h him then and him now, because he has matured quite a bit, and he's able to laugh at himself. But you know, earlier on There's no way we could have got to that point because he himself wouldn't have been able to rationalize why that's funny now compared to what he can do now. Yeah. But I just I think it's important to always be able to find those, those bright moments in any kind of situation you can't. Because let's face it, we said that our lives are not easy, they are hard. Things are always gonna come up. It's never ending. I like dark humor. Like I like friends that are able to throw dark humor out there like it's a live grenade and watch it explode and laugh maniacally behind the scenes while rubbing their hands. Yeah. Yeah. Because I mean that's a lot of d dark humor, sarcasm, whatever. And I'm just like, if you don't get my sarcasm, I don't know if we can be friends. Yeah. You're like, I'm not changing for you. Sorry. Yeah. yeah. At the end of the day I just think it's important. And like the episode of the the the the episode of the episode. The name of the episode is if we're laughing, we're crying because I definitely think laughter also helps in those moments where our emotions are so high it has to go somewhere. So, you know, let's let's put all those emotions and feelings into laughter instead of just being sad and crying all the time because let's face it, we do plenty of that as well. Yes, we do. Even if we can laugh about it now, that doesn't mean it wasn't hard when it happened. Sometimes the laughter comes later, and sometimes it's what helps us keep going. We'll see you next time.