Episode 2 - When Everything Changed

speaker-0: Welcome to Even If the Special Needs Parenting Podcast. I'm Michaela.

speaker-1: And I'm Maraya.

speaker-0: ⁓ Hey everyone, welcome back. Glad that y'all are here. So ⁓ just to recap, we are Even If the Special Needs Parenting Podcast. We are two sisters. I'm Michaela.

speaker-1: And I'm Mariah.

speaker-0: And we just want to talk about all the things going on with life regarding having special needs children and all the fun things in between because you know there's definitely a lot. So ⁓ moving forward in today's episode, we want to talk about basically the moment. ⁓ if there was one big moment, small moments where we really felt like it defined the before and the after of ⁓ you know having having our kiddos and the way that it changed, you know, our lives and all that. So I mean for me. And I'm sure it is like that for you. I don't think we've ever really had this conversation, which is funny, ⁓ considering we talk about our kids and lives so much that, you know, there were dreams and hopes and things that I wanted to do before kiddos and diagnosis and all that. So I mean, what about you? Like what what what was life like for you or how did you dream it before, you know, everything kind of changed? I don't

speaker-1: if I had dreams necessarily like how my kids would be or really what it would look like. I just knew I just wanted to get married and I wanted to have kids. Yeah. The the possibility of having a kid with special needs, of course, never crosses really anyone's mind most of the time.

speaker-0: Especially when you're young. You're like invincible.

speaker-1: Yes. You're I think when you get older and you have kids, you're like, ⁓ man, there's potential that there's so many things out there that could but never cross crossed my mind.

speaker-0: Yeah. naive in those early stages of marriage and life, I feel like. Yeah. I mean I was. But I mean I I wanted to get married. I wanted to have kids. But, you know, I also wanted to travel. I wanted to do things. I wanted to I was torn between wanting to have a career and having a job but also wanting to be a stay at home yeah mom. Which, you know, I was able to do for about ten years, I think. I stayed at home total with me too. My kids. And I loved it, you know. But then, ⁓ You know, motherhood. I wanted to be a mom. I wanted to do all the things. It was never not in the cards for me to be a mom. Even when I was like little. You know, like remember we used to play, you know, we would play babies and we would always like pretend to to be moms and all those early stages of sharing a room for eighty seven years. ⁓ yeah. So

speaker-1: Not just a room, a bed. Not just a room. I know. We shared a bed too. I I don't know.

speaker-0: I was fourteen and we were still sleeping in the same bed.

speaker-1: And it was like I'm sure if we had asked for like just twin beds to share w I'm sure mom would have done it, but we we never just normal for us.

speaker-0: Cared. That was just what we did. Yeah, I know. And then it was like the second we had our own rooms, it was like freedom. But yeah, so funny. So funny. I don't I remember playing babies, pretending to be a mom, just all the things, but like this was never at the front of my mind.

speaker-1: No. I would say that's normal for most people.

speaker-0: Yeah. A hundred percent. And I just you know, I think we all had those you call it what? Diagnosis day. Yeah. You know, I think we all have those moments looking back like for, you know, out of out of my three kids, my my two boys that have, you know, diagnosis and different needs and things like that, I can remember the defining moments for most, but I also remember a lot of like the little, you know, the little moments. Like

speaker-1: Yeah, D Day, D Day, yeah.

speaker-0: But Deacon, his autism diagnosis didn't come till he was three. So he, you know, he progressed, he hit milestones, he did a lot of those things. And then he kind of plateaued. But a lot of kids do that. So you need, you know, you need like early intervention. You need some speech therapy with ECI. He got all those little things. But a lot of kids get that. And that doesn't necessarily equate something big going on, you know, in the long run. So never even really thought about it. until I was just looking things up, talking to his pediatrician. We were talking about milestones that he kinda quit reaching and all the things 'cause he talked, you know. ⁓ and then I remember the doctor brought up something. Well, that kinda sounds like autism and pervasive developmental disorder. And I was like, you know, I'd heard about autism. But if you know, we w I felt like we were so isolated in where we lived at that time, just rule panhandle of Texas, just You know, a lot of that kind of stuff just isn't blatantly everywhere. Like it is in larger cities and bigger c you know what I'm saying? Like so I knew about it, but it wasn't until I really started researching it that I was like, This is my kid. Yeah. Like holy crap. You know

speaker-1: Heard more about like Asberger's type stuff more than I had autism. But that what year was that? Like what year was his diagnosis?

speaker-0: 2011. He was diagnosed when ⁓ right after Darby was born. It was like in that same year. Yeah. Because he turned three in March and she was born in April, and he was diagnosed a little bit later that year. So yeah, with him it wasn't like this big screaming moment. It was like little things where I was like seeing him playing with peers. Because he's always been social, but he was like social adjacent. Yeah. Like he would play near them. You know what I mean?

speaker-1: Them, yeah.

speaker-0: Yes. Unless he was forced to I mean he would, but one of the big things I remember and this is such a weird memory was it was when we lived in El Dorado and he was it was in kindergarten and I remember we were at a basketball game and some kids all were in a group wanting to play. They're all around the same age and he was gonna go and run and chase them and go play with them. You know, small town, your kids kinda run all over the gym and stuff like that. Well, he has always struggled with stairs. And he was always like the stu the, you know, the double stepper up and down the stairs. ⁓ yeah. And they ran down the stairs and took off, but he couldn't take, you know, it rotating one after another. So he was like da da da like double stepping all the way down the stairs. And it I remember that as plain as day. I'm still picturing in my mind that I'm just like, Yeah. He's just always gonna be a little bit behind when it comes to those physical. Physical aspects and things like that. And it's not even like compared to my other kid who's in a wheelchair, he's not even like physically delayed. But that was just one of those things that I just remember like, ⁓ my gosh, yep, it is blatantly obvious that he's, you know, got some of these things going on that other kids don't. So but ⁓ I mean what about you? Because Lucy obviously had like her big diagnosis day, but I mean there were signs and things with her leading up to that, you know. Yeah, just beyond. Yeah.

speaker-1: A lot of that was like when she started crawling and she crawled very ⁓ like side to side. Yeah, she would crawl like and her hips. Yes, like her hips would like go and sway back and forth. So and she was so slow. And I was so worried about it. And so many people were like, ⁓ well my my nephews, you know, what

speaker-0: Like a worm, wasn't it? Whatever.

speaker-1: It crawled backwards there, you know, and I'm just like, ⁓ okay. So people would always justify it. And I always was just like, I feel like something's wrong. And then she would never pull up to a standing position. so that's a you know, that's a big thing of strength for them to to go in their crib. You know, you go and you get ⁓ out of their crib and they're standing up in it. Well, she never could do that. and I could stand like I would stand her up on toys.

speaker-0: Yeah. ⁓

speaker-1: But I was always the one setting her, like standing her. And then she would hold on to things. But then like walking behind a toy, like holding on to a toy and walking behind it, she never did that. So then it was like the process of ⁓ a tethered cord. We thought that was an option, had an MRI on that. That would have been a much easier fix. And then it went from that to thankfully

speaker-0: Yeah.

speaker-1: ⁓ my friend Stacy's ⁓ showing the video of her crawling to her physical therapy she worked at with her friend and her saying, I think she needs to see a neurologist. So then that was why we went that route. ⁓ because we just were thinking hype hypo, you know, like just just low t like low tone and just weak mouth. You know. So then when we went to the neurologist, he just I mean it's just crazy how they can just look at them

speaker-0: Tonya.

speaker-1: Do a couple of little things and he's like limp girdle muscular dystrophy or SMA are what I'm s you know, starting off with. ⁓ my gosh. After like probably a like maybe a thirty minute

speaker-0: That's insane. I mean I guess that's what they're supposed to be able to do, so

speaker-1: Yeah. So I mean he just looked at her, looked her over, ⁓ checked her reflexes. She had no reflexes on and so then limp girdle muscular dystrophy was rolled out within days. And then we had to do the big, you know, extensive genetic testing for SMA and that took a couple of weeks.

speaker-0: ⁓ So maybe it took that long.

speaker-1: And then in that time frame we moved and then we got her diagnosis after

speaker-0: We moved. Yeah. That was really soon after you moved too. Yes. Yes. Do you feel like you kind of like deep in your heart and your gut knew it was even though you didn't know for sure it was positive until that day?

speaker-1: Absolutely. ⁓ yeah. No. The I think I think we had to wait maybe two weeks and then I'm the same, like when I he was like, I would suggest not looking up, you know. Yeah.

speaker-0: But we always look it up anyway.

speaker-1: suggest not looking up what spotomuscular atrophy is. Okay. So then of course we looked it up and and I'm just like, golly, that definitely

speaker-0: Doctors need to quit saying that because it makes people just turn around.

speaker-1: No, I know, 'cause you just freak out. And I definitely I had a moment one night where after we had gone to see him that Lucy was crying. And so I was up in the middle of the night with her and I was dry rocking her, trying to kind of get her to go back to sleep. You know, she was probably I mean, she was almost twenty months when she got diagnosed. So she was yeah, kind of that time frame. She was still little, just had a rough night.

speaker-0: You need to prepare yourself.

speaker-1: And I remember I just was bawling. Yeah. And I just was praying. Like, please don't let it be SMA. Like I just, I didn't want her to have that after looking everything up. And I just was rocking her. And I was like, please don't let it be SMA. I don't want, you know. And then I all of a sudden had this just calmness that washed over me. And it I just felt like like I really felt like I heard God say it's okay. And then I was like, It's okay she doesn't have SMA I'm like, what do you mean? Like it really wasn't that moment that I was just like, I knew sh I knew she had it, but I just I knew it was gonna be okay. Yeah. You know. And I can't tell you what day that was. I just know that it was somewhere in there before her diagnosis.

speaker-0: Yeah. Early March. Yeah. ⁓ Lucy. Yeah. And I had the complete opposite experience with Dawson because it was like, you know, screaming at you you know, just arrived in this horrible just yeah. One thing after another. He was he was born sick. He was born with this. He was born with a severe infection. Found out my, you know, placenta went insufficient. ⁓ didn't know we had brain damage yet. ⁓ in the ICU for a week, started having ⁓ you know, horrible seizures where we desatted where he had to be bagged up each time because his heart rate would stop and he would stop breathing and then he had to be airlifted to a bigger hospital. You know, it was just like this month of ongoing where we were just like in survival mode, you know, with just like what is you know, you don't have time to stop and think in those moments because if you do, then everything will literally just fall apart. So there was no time for that, you know? So it really wasn't until his was more of a we knew something was wrong with him. We knew life was not going to be the same, especially when we saw the amount of brain damage he had. I mean, he has brain damage on every lobe and every part of his brain. Poor baby. ⁓ but you know, all the other diagnosis came but that that's common with CP, I think. Like, you know, his legally blind cortical visual diagnosis came when he was like three months old. We knew pretty early on that he wasn't seeing, but his neurologist also told us that because of where his brain damage was. He didn't get his official cerebral palsy diagnosis till he was nine months old. You know, so it was kind of like a on he's still getting diagnosed and he's eleven. You know, it's like an ongoing thing with him when it's like, ⁓ well, there's another one. Okay, let's just add it to the list, you know.

speaker-1: Just and some of that's just with advancements in in medical advancements where they just learn more I mean just every day that they're ⁓ yeah, so this is a new thing that we just learned.

speaker-0: Yeah. Yeah. And I mean, and I know you do the same thing. I mean, it's hard not to as parents, you know, we we compare our kids to other kids. You know, it's crazy to me for me to see eleven year olds. And I'm like, you know, the things that they do and the things that Dawson does, it's just, you know, night and day. Like I had to ask ⁓ his ⁓ pediatrician early on. I was like, Can we stop doing you know how you have to do those stupid milestone things when they're infants? Like every time you go for a well check or whatever, a toddler. Yeah, yeah. I was like, can we not? Like 'cause it like it was he wasn't doing anything. There was not one thing that I would check yesterday.

speaker-1: Triggering to be

speaker-0: You know the answers to these questions. Just I don't care if you're required. Yeah. It just, you know, is is frustrating. But, you know, and I had that with him, they kind of come and I'm sure it's the same way with you and probably most parents, you know, like I do good for a while and then there's days when something changes that it hits me harder than others. And I had texted about that yesterday. Like so Josh Dawson just went from a G tube to a G J tube. ⁓ if you're unfamiliar with G tubes, G goes into the stomach and then the J goes into the small intestine. ⁓ this poor baby has just been struggling with weight gain and vomiting and all the things. Well, that's he's on continuous feeds now, so he's hooked up to a pump all day, all night. And now he has to be in a hospital bed for other reasons. And that like I was just struggling all day yesterday, just cleaning out his room, getting his bed taken down, because that was literally like the last thing I felt like we had. that kept him from bullet being this full blown medical kid. He was still in a boy bed. Yeah. He had a cute little headboard with like bookcases and he had all of his little dinosaur toys and figurines and all these other things that just felt like he was still just any other little boy. And now, you know, now it's gone. It's, you know, gonna be replaced by a hospital bed that just looks, you know, like you're walking into a hospital room. So

speaker-1: Yeah.

speaker-0: I was really struggling with that yesterday and it just it took me a minute. Some sometimes when things are new and they come up, I'm like, Okay, this is part of life. We gotta deal with it and move on. And then there's other things that I just, you know, it takes me a lot longer to kinda grieve over and accept so I can move on. So Yeah. And that just seems like such a silly thing. It's just a bed, but no, it you don't

speaker-1: It is it is crazy how the smallest thing sometimes can just just hit you so hard. Yeah. Or bit how like how are the feedings going though?

speaker-0: Yeah. I mean, we've been home what? Friday, Saturday, Sunday, three days. Yeah. I mean it's fine. He's thrown up a couple of times still, which, you know, I think that's always gonna be how he is, but I think it's he threw he's thrown up after e every time he has a seizure. So and that was what did happen. He would always throw up after a seizure, but his stomach would be full, so he would be throwing up formula. Well now he doesn't have formula in his stomach, but he's throwing up like bile and stomach acid. You know, you know how miserable that is. Why are you doing that? No, but he's not ⁓ no, he's not throwing up formulas. So, you know, pros and cons, just it's just gonna be a a life adjustment. ⁓ there's people that come home from the hospital as infants with, you know, feeding tubes like this. ⁓ yeah. But you know, we'll get there, we'll get it figured out. He's he doesn't know what to think about it, but yeah. It is what it is. So, you know, I think one thing, you know, down the road we'll definitely have episodes that are just about

speaker-1: Getting his nutrition that he

speaker-0: talking about gr grief, but you know, gain is diagnosis and life changes. I mean, it comes with grief. Like grief you don't even think about. You know stages of grief happen can happen in any part of life. Not just, you know, sudden loss and death of someone. ⁓ but, you know, you have to be able to accept things. You have bargaining, you you know, you have to you have anger, you have all these things. And I still go through the stages of grief, depending on what's going on in life. Yeah. You know Just, you know, I not and I know you feel the same way, I'm not grieving the children I have. I love my children. I'm more or less grieving the life that

speaker-1: Yeah. Well the life that you thought that that you wanted for them as well. You know, because

speaker-0: No, yeah. Because for them ⁓ and for their siblings too. Yeah. You know, it changes it changes just everything across the board. You know, and with that comes guilt because I'm like, okay, am I doing everything I'm supposed to, but then ⁓ am I ostracizing my other children from being able to do things because this other kid takes precedence in so many different areas of life and it is definitely a process. But, you know, one thing is definitely true. You know, I wouldn't trade them for anything, but life is a whole lot harder. You know, yeah. Than I ever, you know, expected and thought it would be for sure. So I guess ⁓ moving on from that, like, you know, how how have how would you say like life has changed? You know, moving on from like diagnosis and having this obviously this is an aspect of our lives. Like how would you feel like your lives have changed? Like how do you feel like it's changed, like say, you know, your marriage? ⁓

speaker-1: I think ⁓ gosh, there's tons I'm like I don't even know if I remember my life before SMA diagnosis. It's really is it really is odd to think about. There was a time I knew nothing of SMA and I've never even heard those words before. ⁓ to now because, you know, I mean obviously it was it well, you know, we already had one kid and so I I thought having one kid was hard.

speaker-0: I know. Well it's been it's been a long time. Or yeah.

speaker-1: And then you have two kids and then you kind of finally kind of figure out having two kids and then we got our diagnosis. And I think you know, that's hard for a lot of marriages. A lot of marriages just don't make it because it's just hard. And then you put so much on your kids and you put so much worry on them and what they need and putting them first that you your marriage goes on the back burner.

speaker-0: Yeah. Make it. Hundred percent.

speaker-1: We always wanted to make sure that we didn't do that. So we always tried to still spend our times together and go on dates and do all those things and and that's e I know like for us that's a little easier than like for you because I mean Lucy is a lot more independent. ⁓

speaker-0: Well, but it wasn't always like that. No, it's actually.

speaker-1: She's gone older, it's easier. And it was us being gone sometimes when she was littler was easy because she was lighter and people could pick her up and do all those things easier now that she's getting a little bit bigger, it's harder for people to really take care of her. But I don't I don't it's hard to say like where where would our marriage be now if we had had three just, you know, kids with I don't know, you know. Yeah but

speaker-0: I feel like there's days where I'm like, did we talk about anything today that wasn't kid related or medical Dawson related? You know what I mean? I'm like, what do we talk about as husband and wife? Like it completely kind of changes the dynamic of your conversations, which happens anyway, whenever you have kids and they get older, they're doing all the things. But I'm just like, we didn't talk about one thing, just about he and I and our relationship, just you know, as two married people. Yeah. Because it's just, you know, like it it takes over completely and it's like, Okay, well, what what did we used to talk about before we had this kid? What were the funny conversations and things that we would actually do? Yeah.

speaker-1: I guess you have to like maybe you just have to set out a time of the day where you're just like for fifteen minutes like not about the kids.

speaker-0: That neither. Yeah. Let's just talk. I know. Then it's like I just want to be quiet and enjoy the silence.

speaker-1: In a in a small town, we have enough stuff that happens here that we have we have so much that we can we get to sp 'cause we're like, we're not gonna gossip to others totally

speaker-0: Just draw people but we'll talk talk about stuff between the two of us. That's funny. Yeah, we're not involved in so much of the gossip since we live in a larger area. Yeah, and I mean I felt like it has definitely also affected friendships. You know, like ⁓ yeah. Facebook face Facebook, I aged myself. Facebook, Instagram, all social media, cell phones, texting has definitely kept people I feel like in my life in like in the know of what's going on compared to back Back in the nineteen hundreds when yeah, you know, you didn't have all of those. ⁓

speaker-1: Late nineteen hundred.

speaker-0: But you know, I've I've always felt like, you know, you have friends that come into your life for seasons for one thing or another, but I've definitely noticed more, I don't know, like friendships I feel like I still would have if I didn't have Dawson. And I don't say that in a negative way to where it's basically like, you know, friendships are two-sided. You have to work, everyone has to put effort into it. But when I'm going through a season with him where I am just trying to keep our head above water. one thing after another with hospital visits and this and this and this and this. You know, and from my perspective, these people are still friends and I still love them. But then whenever I come out of it at the end, from their point of view, like I disappeared and the relationship wasn't worked on. And then it's, you know, like that has happened to me several several times with several different friends over the years to where, you know, and it's one of those situations where it's almost past the point of trying to like Why are you not my friend anymore? You know what I mean? Like because life has just kind of moved on. But looking back, I'm like, I couldn't give anything to that friendship because I was over here just barely surviving. But to them, you know, I disappeared and I don't blame ⁓ for needing to move on, you know, with their life. Yeah. So I've had several of those that have happened over the years and it's been hard.

speaker-1: As friends, you expect them to be understanding with your situation and and and to realize man, it's been hard and this and that and and to just be, you know, caring of you and it not be about well you weren't around or 'cause I you know, that kinda happened after Lucy's first back surgery because it was just really hard and we just kind of kept to ourselves for I would say almost two months. It was just we just

speaker-0: Yeah.

speaker-1: We would come home, we're just there and we're with you know, taking care of her and it was just really hard. And sometimes you're just like, Well, y'all didn't even check up on me and my kid had just had a future back surgery. I know. You know, and I think everyone did really great the initial surgery. Surgery, that's so hard. Yes. Which is what I'm dreading for, you know, in

speaker-0: I don't know. Yeah, but not algebra. The newers off the newers off for everyone else, but not

speaker-1: But not for you. You're just like, no, this is still pretty hard at the moment. So I'm hoping the next one it's not like two months of just terrible awfulness. Well, I just mean like just just with her. She just was in so much pain after that first one. And but she was so little. She's only six. So I'm hoping this time it's not as

speaker-0: That's off. No teenager and then they turn into little divas. So I'll have to tell you, it might be worse. No, I'm kidding. It's not gonna be worse. She's Just keep in your backyard. We could. You do. You know, I don't know. Why I mean I've lost we've lost income having our kids. You know, I work in a school district. When you when you use up all your days, you get docked. ⁓ yeah, totally. Just you know, these things you don't think about that comes when it happens. And it's like, okay, then it just snowballs from here. So many things just go on and on and on and on. I mean, I think socializ isolation is one across the board for all parents of kids with special like I'm at a point now in life where I would be content being home for a week and not going outside and seeing people and it would not face me at this point. Yeah. I've gotten so used to just kind of being an introvert and socially isolated that it really doesn't face me anymore. And I don't know if that's a good thing or a bad thing.

speaker-1: So some of that may just be age too. I don't know. Just like I'm just I'm perfectly fine being home.

speaker-0: Yeah. Yeah. It doesn't bother me at all, you know. And then that but then that transitions into like mental health issues. You know, I'm on a lot of social media pages and I see a lot of moms especially. ⁓ because you know, moms, we feel like we gotta do everything. And then we are hard on ourselves when we don't do what we feel like we should be doing. And a lot of, you know, across the board women and moms struggle with their mental health. They don't sleep, they don't feel like they're doing enough, they don't have support, they don't have help. They don't want to medicate themselves and they don't feel like they can get through the day if they don't medicate themselves. You know, it's it is a horrible roller coaster to be on. And I, you know, I I I feel for everyone because I have days where I'm just like, This sucks and I hate it, you know?

speaker-1: Yeah.

speaker-0: So we've definitely ⁓ you know, pros and cons of this life, you know, obviously the hard days, the unexpected things, the the things that happened that we didn't expect to happen. But I feel like, you know, there's there's a lot of good that have come from it. And, you know, I feel like it's definitely important to look at the good if it does ever exist, you know, in all of the the horribleness that comes from some of these diagnoses and, you know, things that we go through as parents, you know, like I wouldn't have my career if, you know, Dawson didn't have his diagnosis and things that, you know, he's done. I wouldn't have gone back to school and fell in love with the career that I have if it wasn't for him. And because of that, I have some amazing friendships and people I would have never met if I didn't, you know, work at the school that I work at or, you know, do what I do. So there's definitely so many, you know, amazing, unexpected blessings that have come, you know, from the hard. Yeah.

speaker-1: Yes.

speaker-0: So if you could go back, I just have a quick question for you. We're we're gonna wrap up soon. If you could go back, this is probably isn't an easy question, and tell yourself like the before diagnosis, before Lucy, Mariah, one thing, what would it be?

speaker-1: If I could tell myself.

speaker-0: Yes, yourself.

speaker-1: Before Lucy.

speaker-0: Yes, what would you tell that version of you?

speaker-1: Good grief. Mm. I don't know. I think it's just it's gonna be hard, but it's gonna be worth it. I think is ⁓ just off the top of my head.

speaker-0: Yeah. Yeah, yeah.

speaker-1: ⁓ there's a lot of there's a so much hard, but there's there's a lot of joy 'cause you know, you think about like with Lucy being twelve, almost thirteen, as a parent, you're not picking them up anymore, your kid that you know, that's able bodied. You're not picking them up and carrying them around when they're almost thirteen years old. Okay. Yeah. So I have these moments every single day, multiple times a day, where I'm picking her up and I'm carrying her, either to put her in her chair Or to take her to the bathroom. And I mean, she always gives me a hug and she always gives me a kiss. Every single time. I mean, like I'm just constantly, you know, we're just

speaker-0: Can you just get kinda quit doing that once they're at that? Yeah.

speaker-1: No, and I'm just like I still have such this bond with her because of how much I have to just carry her and help her and do different things and

speaker-0: Yeah. She it is definitely yes, it is definitely hard, but definitely worth it. Yeah. She is

speaker-1: She is like I don't think anybody ever meets her and is just like she is precious, she is such a joy, she is the sweetest thing. And you know, the life that she has, that's all that she's ever known. Yeah. You know, and I th I do I do think that does make it easier just because it wasn't like she was able bodied or she, you know, and then there was a tragic car accident or something, you know, something like that. Like this is just her life and it's just

speaker-0: Yeah. Yeah. She's just as happy as she can be. Yeah, she is. Yeah. I look forward to my daily or weekly lockets from her.

speaker-1: ⁓ my gosh, I know. And I'll finally get on my phone and see ⁓ and I'll like Lucy.

speaker-0: I like it. I love that it's her. So and every once in a while she'd be This is Lucy. And I'm Yes, I know. That's not what your mom sends me. But anyway, so as we wrap up today, ⁓ maybe everyone has kind of heard a little bit of your own story and ours. You know, it probably looks a little different. ⁓ and I'm sure we all remember the time where you were when you realized even the small moments or the big moments of life is gonna be different, but you know, life still has to go on. As parents, we still have to. Carry on regardless. So, ⁓ but it's not the it's not the life you expected, but it's the life that you have. So next week we're gonna look at what happens when the shock kind of wears off, you know, and the dust settles and the the new kind of takes over and it's like your new normal. We're gonna talk about how we've survived, ⁓ lessons that we've learned and how we have found joy and laughter and hope and all of that. Okay, so whatever

speaker-1: So your even if is. Thank you for letting us be a part of your journey. We'll see you here next time.